"Excited, Scared, Nervous, Happy, Sad"
The words scribbled on my Journal page
Dated January 1. 2013
8 days away from launching on a crazy adventure to reach the lost
I remember every one of those thoughts
I am sitting on my bed in Romania at the end of month 6 scribbling those same words in my journal.
"Excited, Scared, Nervous, Happy, Sad"
However, there is a word that was unfamiliar January 1st that I added to the list
"Excited, Scared, Nervous, Happy, Sad, Dependent"
DEPENDENT
The woman typing this blog (me). I am extremely different than the GIRL who wrote those first words in that brown journal
I left on this journey independent
My heart was to honor God
However, I still desired to do everything on my own
I chose to listen to my own voice
I chose to act in my own will A WHOLE LOT!!
Fast forward 6 months and you have the product of a lot of brokenness
That brokenness created a dependence
Everything in me seeks to hear HIS voice
I am dependent on his word and desires for my life
I weep with grief at the idea of choosing my will and flesh over his perfect plan for me.
Also scribbled on the first page of that brown journal is the following:
"The one thing I desire the most over this next year is for God to change and grow me into the woman he has purposed for me to be."
I look back and smile
knowing God has answered this in more ways than I can imagine
Most recently he asked me to show my dependence on him by trusting him with a BIG decision
He asked me to be willing to listen to his voice
Even when it doesn't make sense
Even if no one understands
He asked me to listen
Even if it means going home
(part 2 coming soon)
Photo Credit (Fuse box Melanie Hairston)
