"This one time in Albania we were told that if we walk without a guy at night people will think we're prostitutes"
11 Things I am learning/God is teaching me:
1. God is continually teaching and challenging my thoughts/concepts/perceptions of love. God has challenged me to love deeper. He is teaching me that love really is a choice. It is something that we wake up and can choose to act in daily. It's less about an emotion or feeling, and more about action. Did you know, you can really love someone even if they get on your nervous system. It's TRUTH…. and yes I did just try to make a joke.. Haha. Get it …..Nerves => Nervous system.
2. Giving your heart to someone and loving them are two completely different things. You can love someone, but you need to be careful who you give your heart to. Your heart is such a precious thing, and as we are called to love deeply…. we are also called to guard our heart!
3. Fear consumes and destroys. It is okay to be affraid or anxious, but the problem comes when you let fear reside in your heart. Our hearts weren't ment to hold fear. So, when you feel affraid and continue to let those fears reside in your heart they become consuming and will ultimately cause destruction. Take my fear of birds for example. Really, it started as a silly little fear…. that I continued to let sit in my heart…. from years of sitting in my heart, this silly little fear became all consuming. It threatened to destroy my potential for ministry in Central America. If you let fear make a home it holds the potential to destroy your ability to advance the Kingdom of God.
4. Division is a choice. Just like love, DIvision is something we choose…. DIvision as a choice does not only effect ourselves but the kingdom of God.
5. Being vulnerable with those you trust is okay. I have the habit of being an unemotional person. I would even say, I have a pattern of running from emotions, and the act of expressing them because it leaves me vulnerable. God taugth me a big lesson this month. He taught me it's okay to be vulnerable…. You just have to be careful that the person you allow yourself to be vulnerable with is trustworthy. You cannot keep your heart locked up in a box. That is not how God created you to be. I have an awesome team member who God really used to teach me this. She pulled hard truth and vulnerability out of me. It's amazing what God can do in those moments!!
6. Verbal processing is okay. I am a huge internal processor….. However, God has taught me that maybe I am a bigger verbal processor than I thought…. I just wouldn't allow myself to trust anyone to be able to know that.
7. It's easy to lose track of why your here. We had a busy month, and God really reminded me that it's easy to get lost in work and ministry. It's easy to let obligations drown out why your here.
8. I am learning that I truely love my secret moments with God. Those times where I am working and dwelling in his presence at the same exact time. It's incredible!!
9. I am learning how to treasure moments with my team. Being with the whole squad this month has reminded me how much I really to value my team.
10. Feedback when given in love is a good thing… No it's a real good thing! It's a gift. I use to hate giving constructive feedback, but God has really changed my perspective of it this month.
11. Internet is not a daily neccessity. I've learned this month that a lot of times internet does more harm then good. You get on facebook and check emails only to remember your on the otherside of the world and missing big things. It breeds homesickness. We've been given this season to advance the kingdom of God, but a lot of times we get so caught up in what is going on back home that we forget to stay present. It's not okay!
God really rocked me this month! It's the first time on the race that I had moments where I really really wanted to be home. It's the first time that I felt really distant from everything, and it scared me. There were moments after a hard day where all I wanted to do was talk to my best friend…. but the 9 hour time difference makes that hard. There were moments that all I wanted was to take my nieces out for ice cream. There were moments where I just wanted my mom to rub my back. They were hard moments. They were moments that took me by surprise… But it was in these moments that God taught me to fight to be present. He taught me what he really ment when he said, my love for my family should look like hate compared to my love for him. In was in these moments that I yearned for God the most. It was in these moments that I yelled, "I AM HERE! I LOVE YOU and IM NOT LEAVING!"
