This may be crazy, but can I QUIT already, and YOU forget the call you have for ME, maybe?!?
We can tell the truth here right?!?
I wont get mobbed and thrown in a ditch somewhere if you dont like it?!?
"Maybe"
Well maybe
Just maybe
These words play threw my head atleast 2x a day
Honestly
In all Honesty
Its not a maybe
Everyday I wake up and think
This is crazy! Can I quit already?!? God can you forget the call you gave me?!? & Let me off the hook just this once, MAYBE?!?
I hear silence
Nothing but eery silence
That kind thats only broken by the whisper of the wind
I hear silence
UNTIL
The passion and call he has placed in my heart starts whispering
I hear silence
UNTIL
That sweet "GO" is whispered
and I still manage to tell myself "oh he said STAY"
Then he jacks my heart up in crazy ways
Ways where I know I cant stay
If it wasnt the world race it would be India
the Philippines
the Congo
or some other crazy place
Sometimes
Me and my PRIDEFULL self want to argue with GOD
I want to scream that I cant do it
I want to shout at him that no one believes I can
I want to tell him there is NO way because support is so low
Sometimes
I feel like acting childish
Play the silent treatment game
lock myself in a closet
and hide from his face
BECAUSE….
Its so easy to tell myself, he made a mistake, that this huge, amazing, powerful God, he really didnt mean to call me…. it was a mistake… he must of forgot all those stupid things I did and said and continue to do and say…. He must have forgot that hes not suppose to call girls like me!
RIGHT!!!
I know its all wrong. I know all of those are lies!!! & yeah people may not support me and what I do but when God calls he will provide a way. I know… but sometimes its easier to rationalize a lie than accept the truth.
See, I'm not going to let myself rationalize a lie. Yeah it may be easier, but theres no peace in lies. I know what God has called me to do… even when I let myself get freaked out for a moment. Even in the midst of me freaking out I know I am going!!! I know that I cannot stay and have peace!
So yeah.. people may tell me:
"why did you pick such a long trip"
or
"Whoa thats a lot of money:
or
"Why would he call you"
or
"couldnt you do something better or more productive"
or
"what are you going to do when you get back"
Ultimately!!
Its not people or me…. Its God!! God you carve out the path before me. So, carve out the road its going to take to get me there. $1500 in one month! No problem for you. The whispers of fear, doubt, and impossibilities are nothing but lies. Let this bring Glory to YOUR NAME!!!!
