(Uhh.. yeah.. sorry not that Growing Pains)
Growing pains.
You know the ones I'm talking about……
They hurt
They can wake you up at night
Bring tears to your eyes
Definitely not comfortable
But all part of GROWING
I'm experiecing some growing pains at the moment
I wish I could say they were cool and funny like one of my favorite shows growing up (hint: Growing Pains)
Yeah… but they're not
These growing pains
They hurt
Their painful
They wake me up at night
They even sometimes bring tears to my eyes
—————————————————————————————
I was taken back to where it all began on Sunday
That little old church on Baker street where God captured my heart
I didnt know what to expect
I was nervous
I knew it wouldnt be the same
I was going as a guest to hear my Youth Pastor who was in town from Georgia.
It had been years since I stood in that building
Years since that sunday morning I stood in that altar and Gave God all of me
Years since I stood infront of everyone and shared my Mexico experience
Years since I spent every monday night praying fervently for change
——————————————————-
Sitting there
Memories flooded my mind
I thought of all the people who didnt think I would make it this far
The people who thought this "God Thing" was a phase
The people who thought he couldnt possibly change ME
The doubters
The ones who constantly threw rocks at my glass house
The ones who secretly thought this girl is not CHURCH material
————————————————————————————————-
Desperate
Broken
Hurting
Captivated
Captured
In Love
But this Jesus wasnt for ME (or so some said)
Correction Religion wasnt for ME
Desperate
Broken
Hurting
I needed something REAL
He captivated me
Captured my heart
I fell in LOVE with LOVE
——————————————————-
I sat in that place
In awe of God
In awe of what he has done in me since then
Saddened by the thought of those who use to stand around me
Saddened by the thought that they no longer stand
I sat in that place very aware of the CALL God has placed on me
Very aware that a lot of times this CALL leaves me alone
—————————–
Too Radical
Too In Love
Holy Roller
Crazy
Too Obedient
Yeah I've heard these all
————————————————————————————————–
I sat in that place aware
Aware that I will never be the same as I was when I first walked in that place years ago
Aware that my life wouldnt be the same when I left
Aware that God is changing things around me at an alarmingly fast pace
Aware that Obedience hurts sometimes
Aware that my heart doesnt belong here or in California anymore
Aware that I am going to have to say a lot of good byes soon
Aware some of those goodbyes will be forever…..
and some will be more like see ya laters
Aware that I have to let go of alot
Aware that God has had all this planned since the beginning
Aware that he knew I would walk into this place and walk out calling him Papa
Aware that he knows how BIG that is too me!
I sat in that place AWARE that what I am feeling right now are Growings Pains
—————————————————————-
I am feeling the growing pains
It happens to those whose hearts beat for his
He breaks you
Picks you up
Stretches you
Implants his heart in yours
Changes you…..
And you GROW
—————————————————————————————–
Watching those around you
Its easy to feel….
Bitter
Jealous
Envious
All because they can live THEIR lives so neatly
They can have THEIR education
THEIR families
THEIR cars
THEIR houses
THEIR sunday/wednesday RELIGION
They can live THEIR lives……
so carelessly… thoughtlessly…. heartlessly… haphazardly.. freely
But YOUR life is HIS
YOUR feet are HIS
YOUR hands are HIS
YOUR heart is HIS
YOU are HIS
and you cant live YOUR life so NEATLY because its not YOURS
YOU know YOU couldnt live like THEM…
even if you wanted to…..
even if you tried to
HIS word
HIS heart
HIS purpose for You
Its shut up in YOUR bones
Its the very breath YOU breathe
even if you wanted to…..
even if you tried to
There would be NO joy
NO love
NO peace
NO comfort
NO rest
NO life
There would be no YOU
HE is YOUR joy
HE is YOUR love
HE is YOUR peace
HE is YOUR comfort
HE is YOUR rest
HE is YOUR life…..
so YOU live
YOU love the unlovable
YOU serve
YOU go to the needy
YOU get your hands dirty
YOU hold the untouchable
YOU feed the poor
YOU breathe the life HE breathed in YOU
YOU breathe that LIFE to the LIFELESS
————————————————————————————————–
Is it easy?
No
Is it comfortable?
No
Is it the American dream?
No…..
But you GO!!!!!
———————————————————
I can hear God saying:
Get Up!
Awake my daughter!
Feel the fire in your bones?!?
Its me?!?
My response:
My heart, it beats, beats only for YOU!
It hurts
Its not easy
I get crazy looks
I may be TOO radical
TOO in love
but this heart it, it beats, beats only for YOU!
I am UP
I am AWAKE
I will GO!
——————————————————————————————————-
Growing pains.
You know the ones I'm talking about……
They hurt
They can wake you up at night
Bring tears to your eyes
Definitely not comfortable
But all part of GROWING
If your GROWING your ALIVE
