When I tell people about the World Race and all it entails, one of the first questions they ask is
“are you scared?”
In order to really understand where I am with this question we have to backtrack a couple months. This whole World Race journey started back in the middle of March. While looking at the website and reading over the blogs of people I know on the field, God said, “why not you?” I was completely caught off guard by this. I never thought God would use me for an adventure like the World Race. To be honest, it’s out of my comfort zone by a long shot.
At first there is nothing but excitement surrounding the World Race. The idea of going to 11 countries and literally being the hands and feet of Jesus is thrilling! Then your mind starts to wander to everything you will have to leave behind and what you will miss. If I’m completely honest, this is terrifying.
The journey of my fear happened over a span of about 6 hours on April 1st. This was before I had ever submitted my application to start the long interview process. It was the night my closest friend and second mom, Lisa, took me to see Kari Jobe. Up to this point, Lisa and I had not discussed the World Race in person…or much at all, really. She is my go to person when it comes to big life decisions and I value her opinion more than she could ever know. The truth is, I already knew God was telling me to go. That’s not always easy though, right? No matter where you are in your walk with Christ, there are always times where being obedient is incredibly difficult.
As Lisa and I sat and discussed the World Race over dinner, I was stoked! I was in that honeymoon stage where the thought of adventure took hold of me and the idea of sharing Jesus with the world was exhilarating! Over the next couple hours leading up to the concert I started to feel the fear creep in. It starts it’s attack in a subtle way until it consumes your thoughts. The idea of going became scary because I realized going means leaving. Leaving behind my life, my family, my friends, my dog, my church…
In those moments, I chose to let God have the glory. I tried my best to push the thoughts aside because at this point I hadn’t even applied…they might not even chose me, right?
On our way home from Charlotte, my talk of the race had shifted completely. Lisa pointed out to me that I had gone from excited, to unsure and then I wanted nothing to do with it. I did not want to go at all.
I let Satan win.
During my drive home from Lisa’s house I got real with God. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few months it’s that God is more than able to handle our honesty. It’s like any relationship. Most of the time we can tell when our friend is mad and we usually know exactly why, but we want to hear it from them. It’s a vulnerability and closeness that is needed to build up the relationship. God is the same way. He wants to hear from us whether it’s good or bad.
As I was driving down the road I told God I didn’t want to do the World Race. I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone. Then I had one of the most real conversations with God. He clearly told me I was acting like Peter. Jesus walked on water and Peter told him that he wanted to walk on the water as well. Jesus simply said “come.” Without hesitation, Peter stepped out of the boat and onto the water. When his eyes were fixed on Jesus he was fine. As soon as he looked away and saw the wind and crashing waves
he was scared.
In that moment on the country road, God told me I was acting the same way. He promised me that as long as my eyes were fixed on Him I would be okay. I have to remember why I am doing the World Race. It’s not because I think this is going to be an epic journey full of nothing but fun. It’s going to be really hard at times and I know that. I have to remember that I am doing this because God has called me to it. It’s really that simple. As long as my eyes are fixed on Him and bringing God glory, I will be okay!
So to answer the question
“are you scared?”
The answer is “sometimes.” There are moments when I take my eyes off Jesus, but I am quickly reminded that God will never call me to something and then abandon me. He has gone before me and He is going with me.
My prayer so many months ago was similar to many racers and it came from Hillsong lyrics.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Recently God has answered that prayer with new lyrics from Bethel’s new album You Make Me Brave.
You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me out beyond the shore
Into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
The promises You’ve made
Thank you, Jesus, for making me brave!
