times will be beautiful.”
A couple of nights ago, I received this word from the Lord through a person on our squad during a random prophecy session. I knew this word was from God because this person had no idea, but more because it is the BEST description I can think of to describe where I am at in life…
a desert canyon. Yuck.
If you’ve been checking up on my blog over the last month, you probably remember me talking about having a really tough time in Uganda. I truly thought that things would magically change on that glorious Emirates flight from Dubai to New Delhi. Sadly, changing continents wasn’t the remedy. So I did my revision of past issues to find out what was causing this disturbance. I reviewed past offenders such as my tendency to carry people’s burdens, not taking time to spend with the Lord, performance issues, etc. and I can only come to one conclusion: leadership is hard. Check that- life can just be hard.
Seriously, I thought I was going to make it the whole 11 months without going through a dry spell. Call me crazy, but for the first 6 months on the race, I was excited. Just intrinsically excited. Usually I am extremely self-motivated…and when I don’t motivate myself, a good bowl of ice cream, or a good Bible verse can usually do the trick. In extreme circumstances, I go with the Wegman family motto of sitting on the pot for a while and then just sucking it up and moving forward until you make it to the mountain top again.
Yah, unfortunately, the pot wasn’t working for me (maybe it’s because we only have a squatty potty) and sucking it up certainly didn’t cut it. I mean, I’m still doing my job, my heart is still in what I’m doing, I love my squad, but every day is a battle- and that is just not the normal me. It’s just been harder. Harder to move forward, harder to see the best in people, harder to walk in freedom, harder to hear from the Lord. Usually when you’re in the valleys of life, you can always look up and see the mountains. But what I’ve realized is that when you look up in the canyon, it’s hard to see past the daunting canyon walls.
Without trying to be too metaphorical, I’m realizing that canyons are beautiful. They may be dry and seem impossible to get out of, but I’m not sure it’s all about getting out of the canyon. Just like that prophecy I received said. God is making a way for me and even the “dry” times will be beautiful. I’m not having a quarter life crisis or anything, I just feel like I’m on some weird winding path of life. I feel like I’m up and down and all over the place with all the complex things we face (especially in leadership)… wondering when I’m going to be back on top of the world and taking all the tough things in a stride. And then it hits me, I’m missing everything around me. If you’re only looking at how tall the canyon wall is and how far you are from the top, you’re missing what’s right in front of you.
And that discouragement leads to just checking out- opting to not push through the dry times and giving up for an easier route-whatever that looks like in your life. My best friend, Kate, sent me an email the other day that really made me think. She said our Costa Rican pastor told this story the other day in church:
“He was little and he was selling his mom’s tamales at the park and some kids wanted to play hide-and-seek, but he didn’t want to leave the tamales. The kids told him it was okay to hide them in the bushes while they played and then come back later to sell them again. When he came back, the tamales were all gone! What a sad lesson… his point was that we can’t take for granted what God has given us to do today, that we might miss out if we get distracted.”
Basic? Yes. Profound at the same time? Yes. Alright, so to bring it all home- I don’t want to be discouraged by the daunting canyon walls or distracted by taking the fun and easy way out. The Lord has given me something to do. He just tells us to follow and obey Him. I don’t want to miss the more God has for me here. I don’t want to shortchange God with the “tamales” that He has entrusted me with. If I keep my eyes focused on Him, I will move forward through the canyon. Not rushing- just steadily keeping pace behind him so as not to miss the beautiful that He reveals along the way.
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11
“It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way secure.” 2 Samuel 22:33
“For He knows the way I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” Job23:10
