So this community thing is a little harder than I thought. It’s probably the barest, harshest and most loving desert of passion filled with acceptance and edification that I’ve ever experienced. I say bare, cause you bare all in days/weeks/months of being together and experience a kind of freedom that most people never receive. I say harsh, because alot of the things said in a community of Christian brothers and sisters is done with high courage and high consideration – and our “inner-self” may take feedback/comments/criticism personally… not allowing the “words” that are spoken to be heard without some filter usually originating from a world of past pain and fear which often results in a “defensive-state” of protection without ever hearing the “words” initially intended to give life, that now breed withdrawal, resentment and shutdown. Not a typical response to love as the world would give, but that’s what you expect here. Those willing to die to self, both in giving feedback and receiving, no matter how “harsh” or “hard” it may seem for the greater good of the individual and the community is all that’s expected. And knowing there is unconditional and abundant love in being honest no matter how bad it may hurts makes the rough parts at least digestible for those willing to taste the Truth. My guess is most people desire to be loved enough to be told the truth, rarely do we want to receive the truth for fear of change or even worse – looking bad. And my comments about “the most loving desert” is due to the dryness of the place we all have inside that God desires to fill with His “living water” – waves of liquid love.
I’ve only experienced this level of authenticity and commitment to TRUTH in a community of believers who choose to love you more than they love themselves. Putting aside all fears, doubts, hesitations, concerns to speak life over, into, through and under someone to lift them to a place of inner-acceptance and outter-reflection. I say passion because of the authenticity of operating from the same passionate TRUTH regardless of how bad it hurts and how painful the process can be – He is still good, always and forever completely GOOD! Acceptance and edification are part of serving and loving from a place of repeated brokenness which creates an instant relatedness among the body of believers who, with open arms, embrace a community of “broken” people who thirst for more of Him and less of self – key word “community”.
What I’ve come to realize is that we were never meant to do it alone and community acts not only as the “truth serum” that we often need to face “reality” but also operates out of love and truth creating a place that’s safe to be vulnerable when no one else seems to understand or care. This came true for me when a blind spot in my life was revealed. There are things I’ve struggled with in my past, present and probable future that God has completely redeemed me from. However, He may allow the thorn to remain reminding me of my dependance upon Him – thirsting for more. (2 Corinthians 12: 7 – 10) “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. I continually pray “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42). As I embrace the call of being more like Christ – I thought I was done with being “broken”, “released”, “removed” and “redefined” from certain things in my life. It’s been over a year since my personal battle with God’s decisions about “my life” occurred. Although things haven’t turned out as I’d originally hoped – surprise…that’s how it works. It’s not “my life” to begin with. My crisis occurred over a year ago and since that time God’s brought me so far and revealed with confirmation, who I am. (2 Corinthians 5:17) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 18All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21God made him who had no sin to be sin[a] for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Not realizing, until tonight, that being broken (repeatedly) is something that becomes a lifestyle for those who are willing to give up this life in exchange for the next, I patiently await my next opportunity to wrestle with identity and be broken again for His glory. Not too self-assuring is it..? Then again, it’s not about self ..it’s about realizing that in love’s service, only wounded soldiers can serve. (Matthew 10:39) Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. I once read that “…when we are first aware of our own brokenness, our eyes are opened to see our own faces in the faces of the oppressed and to see our own hands in the hands of the oppressors. Then we shall all be truly free.” I’d like to be continually broken in a community of believers who see in me there own brokenness and in return I mirror the vision of availability for Him allowing freedom in our brokenness together based on our availability for Him – not our ability. Only fragments of me remain, woven together by the adhesive of compassion and unconditional love, eternal forgiveness and abundant grace of a loving, mighty and fire-breathing God who desires to have my wounded heart.
“The wounds you have received have come to you for a purpose from one who knows all you are meant to be and fears you.”
