So today was a day where I witnessed healing. Not just physical healing (leg growing, sclerosis healed, eyes healed to see again like in Ireland..you know the everyday things for Christ). God showed up in ways that allowed for healing to happen in the hearts of those whom I will be serving along side for the next year, including myself. I personally experienced what it’s like to be in a community of believers who love regardless of where you’ve been, who you know, what you can do or what you’ve done. They love because He loves and believe that He is doing a might work in my life. That’s somewhat of a new concept for me. I’ve always known that people can love and can choose to love based on a myriad of things, but to find that there are those out there who choose to love you regardless of any prior criteria or gain on their end was partially new. They just love to love and will show up and stand for you even when you can’t stand for yourself.
Growing up in such a competitive environment complete love and acceptance (without personal investment) was somewhat of a challenge to come across. Not particularly in my own house, but rather some of the social circles I ran in and athletically competitive environments definitely promoted love and acceptance in a way that later had me questioning whether I was truly loved for me or my ‘ talents’ – so to speak. This may be a similar challenge for anyone who was/ is known more for what they do than who they are. As one would assume, this promoted the belief that I needed to not only bring something to the table, but it’s got to be better than the next so I’m not only accepted but loved. The reverse effect also applies when I had to work twice as hard to get someone back to square one of thinking they know nothing about me in order that they may get to know who me – really is. Hoping not to be replaced and often finding myself chasing the latest trend and not wanting to find myself on the list of unfavorable items of yesterday, I struggled to make myself relevant to not only the present circumstances/environment, but also the future and what’s to come – a guessing game of sorts. You can see how this could make someone a bit hysterical and paranoid. Now anyone who knows me knows that I always found a way to fit in – never awkward or uncomfortable, but along the way I think I often compromised to not only be relevant, but loved. In the process I may have somehow lost a little of me – the real me. Living a life as fleeting as the headlines of the local paper and make way for loneliness and separation anxiety, moments when I’m (in my own mind) left to wonder… was I enough? Did I accomplish what was intended? Will they be happy with me? Did I do enough to gain that persons love and respect? Did I do enough to gain acceptance?
Over the last few weeks I learned that all of those questions are fruitless to answer and believe in if they are not supported in truth. Not truth as the world knows it, but truth as I’ve come to know it – in Him. That’s where I find since of humor in these moments on the road with this family of people. I am speechlessly chasing after Him with a passion for not just what questions will be answered, but the lessons learned are quite humorous. His answers to the more in depth questions that bring life and fruit to His plan is what excites me. I’ve heard it said “Woe to him who knows how to ask questions”. This statements capitalizes on the thought that if I only know how to ask life giving questions, I will get life giving answers. A main request of God for us amongst loving Him and one another, is to ask in His name. You know.. “..ask and you shall receive”, “…seek and you will find”. So I’m learning that as I seek His face I am encouraged that asking better questions of Him results in better answers. Simple eh..? You try…
How did such an amazing revelation occur? Funny you ask…well I think that occurred when I asked God what He was trying to teach me when I found myself trying to be big brother without being equipped to be Big Brother – and when I say Big Brother, there is no White House, CIA or any other governmental acronym involved. I was trying to love and didn’t really understand what true love really is. Much less the love that says I’m not only willing to give everything for you including my life, I already have and I’m ready to do it again, and again and again…until you come back to Me. There is something to be said for experience and this kinda love is something that I personally have no real working experience with and chances are if your reading this (and honest with yourself)..you have no idea what it’s like to give your life up for another and die to save man-kind who believe and receive your gift of grace. This is not only love, but the love that suspends time and makes you questions ..”Who does that?” “Who loves in that way?” …well looks like I’m on the right track cause wouldn’t you know it, I just happen to be reading a book that speaks on this kinda love. It’s a book by Brennan Manning called “Ruthless Trust” and I think I have an answer to why this kinda love is not only new, but deeper than anything I’ve ever known or can truly understand. I quote ‘It is of immense importance to understand that every word spoken and written about God is delivered in the language of analogy. In any divine analogy, there is a similarity between the human words used about God and the reality of God himself, there is also, however, a radical dissimilarity. What is affirmed in one breath must be denied in the next. For example, we liken divine love to human love. The similarity induced us to think that we are getting a grip on God’s love. And yet, though human love is the best image we have, it is utterly inadequate to express the love of the Infinite. Not because human love is too sugary and sentimental or because it is too passionate and emotional, but because it can never fully compare with that source whence it came – the passion-emotion love of the Totally Other’. How does a man find comfort in that – you ask? Well I guess it’s not about comfort of a man, but rather complete surrender of a man in allowing Him to take control and show not only what true love is, but acknowledge how we can only experience that divine love of The Other while chasing after Him.
