Today, almost 80 days into my journey on the World Race I came to the realization (again) that there is absolutely nothing I can do to improve myself. I can read the Bible 50 times and still miss out on the man God wants me to be. I can do P90X twice a day and still not be the healthiest guy around. I can dress only in H&M (which I don’t) and still not be the snazziest guy. I can use whitestrips on my teeth after breakfast, lunch, dinner and the devilish midnight snack and still not have the brightest smile. I realized that I pursue so much in vain. Can I ever be happy with the man God has created me to be? But what of all the flaws, the average IQ, the inability to throw a frisbee in a straight line? Pursuit. Pursuit. Pursuit. For what? My gain?
I laugh.
Look at what my hands have done. I hold them up now as I pause in-between typing. These hands… small, a little dry (the weather is dry and hot in Malaysia) and perfectly trimmed nails (What am I saying?! Perfectly trimmed nails! Ha!). These hands have done so much good and so much bad. I realize that I can spend this year hugging hundreds of orphans, teaching English to students, rubbing lotion on the cracked skin of the elderly and holding the hands of a mother mourning the loss of a child and still miss it. Miss what?
The fact that God calls me as I am.
Its not about the brains, the brawn or the bronze. Is not about the touch or the heart. It is all about the fact that all of THIS…this amazing adventure around the world, is helping me to realize that only God alone saves and transforms this unworthy man into a worthy man. I speak because God allows it. When I pray, words come out because God gives them to me. When I encourage or affirm it is because God has made me so overwhelmed that I have to speak it. When I began to try anything other than what God wills, things crumble and my focus gets blurred.
I laughed at myself today when I realized how I do all of this and have experienced so much yet still choose sin at times. It’s a reminder that I can’t do anything alone. God does it. God wills it. God speaks it. And so with these reminders and all the times I take a temporary detour, I immediatly toss my hand up and await God’s grasp to began guiding me forward out of the darkness and into light.
So . . .
Worthy or not, Here I Come.
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