I have been on the Race for 4 months now, and my constant prayer has been for Father God to show me how to live a holy and righteous life without being all legalistic. I want to pursue a life of holiness, but not in a way of following a rulebook. I want greater intimacy with Jesus. I want to live my life in a way that pleases Him because I love Him.
Last month in Thailand, the Lord gave me a little more understanding about all this jazz. While in Thailand, our ministry was in the bars with the prostitutes. I was excited to have the opportunity to love these women, but I didn’t really anticipate how I would feel in the bar atmosphere. Before last month, I had never been inside a bar. Ok, maybe once for this crazy concert, but ask my friends… I was uncomfortable the entire time (Remember Netty?)!
Walking into the bars in the red light district the first night was an experience. I kinda freaked out.
Papa, I know you are in this place but I cannot feel you right now. It’s so dark here. It makes me uncomfortable. My heart is breaking for everyone around me. I don’t think I can do this. I need you.
I didn’t realize it at the time but I was afraid.
After our first week, I walked down bar street with a different attitude. I was just going to visit my friends at work. I was more comfortable with the atmosphere because the people were familiar to me.
One Sunday afternoon, we were hanging at the lake with one of our friends we had met at the bars. Everyone was drinking and some of the conversation was inappropriate. And I started to feel uncomfortable again.
Papa, get me out of here. This is not a place that I need to be. I cannot be here. I know you are here but i don't feel your presence.
Afterwards, I told my friends I had been uncomfortable but I couldn’t figure out why. I was confident the Lord had divinely orchestrated our friendship with this person. And going to the lake with him and his friends is what he wanted to do. Why was I so uncomfortable hanging around them?
Then I was reading this book called, Culture of Honor by Danny Silk and everything totally made sense.
“So we have to decide, what partnerships are we going to make when we are in the presence of sin? This was the thing that made Jesus look like a genius. He’d walk into a bar with the harlots and the thieves and go, “Hey guys, how you doin? Hey, there was this rabbi, this priest, and this Baptist preacher.” And those people loved Him!
But the Pharisees were more like, “Here, leper. Ring this bell whenever you come around because you scare me. Uh-oh, a woman on her period. Uh-oh, dead people. Where can we hide? Let’s go in the temple.” Jesus had this love thing down, but the Pharisees didn’t have a clue. So, in the presence of sin, the Pharisees were afraid, but when Jesus was in the presence of sin, He was the solution, the remedy. He was powerful.”
That’s when I realized, “OMG I have been a Pharisee.”
I had been uncomfortable because I was afraid. I was afraid of the sin around me. I was afraid it would negatively affect me, or that someone would see me, or that it would mess up my pursuit for holiness.
Once I had this realization I repented. Ugh, I don’t want to be like a Pharisee. It changed my whole perspective. God doesn’t want me to always avoid those atmospheres. The experience at the lake felt different in my head I guess because it wasn’t our scheduled bar ministry. It was just friends hanging out at the lake. But our “ministry” is our life. It’s not just a scheduled time of our day. It’s all the time! Jesus doesn’t want me to avoid those situations and hide in my “holy corner.” He wants me to walk out there boldly, confidently, knowing that living inside me is the answer!
As I look back on my life, I think that deep down I kind of had that Pharisee-like mindset. “Oh, I can’t be caught downtown at the bars.” But sometimes maybe that’s exactly what Jesus wants. Maybe there have been times when God has wanted to divinely place me in those situations, but I have been totally closed off. I cannot be afraid of those places where sin is blatantly obvious. God isn’t afraid of sin. I need to go boldly believing that “perfect love casts out all fear.” God is love. Fear isn’t from God. If I go into those atmospheres and feel fear, it’s not God. I need to remember my Savior. He is love. He is powerful.
Danny Silk wrote in Culture of Honor, “We can choose either to protect the rules and create a religious culture or we can protect our relationships and create a culture of love. And only one of these options is the covenant that Christ died to make with us.”
I don’t want to be closed off to a relationship with a person because maybe the way he or she does life is different from me, especially if the Lord is divinely setting it up. I don’t want to live by a rulebook when Jesus came to set me free from the law. I don’t want to be legalistic.
But I also never want to abuse the freedom that has been graciously given to me.
Papa, continue to show me the balance. Show me how Jesus would do life now. Show me if I am being a Pharisee in any other areas of my life.
