This is an old journal entry from 2010: (slightly edited)
The Setting
It was a cool March morning and the sun was piercing through the trees on the grounds of our 1890's discipleship house. We have a giant porch that faces Washington St. and a beautiful Catholic Church that seems to consume most of the view. I had just poured a fresh cup of coffee and was enjoying the clarity of mind that comes with early morning. I had just returned from our church mission trip where i had seen God move in some miraculous ways from healings to people experiencing the love of Christ. The biggest take away from the trip was that in order to know Christ more you have to live a Spirit led life. That you have to learn to say yes when He shows you a different direction. It isnt a loud voice or an over-powering shove or even a lightning bolt from the sky. It's a soft and gentle voice, much like a whisper but directed toward your heart. There is no other way to explain it but that deep down you just know.
The Situation
I had just finished praying for my day and everything i was thankful for, and had just started reading Humiliy by Andrew Murray. I had read it a hundred times but it's the one book that liked to meditate daily on. Half way through the third chapter a sharp breeze flooded through the porch and flipped my journal open, and i was able to gather it before all its contents poured over the table. When i looked up and leaned back on the couch i noticed an old homeless man limping down the street. He was wearing a long brown jacket that had weathered some storms. He had on some dark torn jeans and some black military boots, and had shoulder length, wiry grey hair. I couldn't help but stare, there was something different about this man. I had been in Waco for three years and met and had lunch with a few homeless guys after Church Under the Bridge, but there was something different so i awkwardly stared him down from my perch on the porch. He stopped in the center-left of the walkway on the opposite side of the street and took a seat on the steps of the Church and looked from left to right. Then he looked across the street towards our old raggedy house and just stared. Its the look on the face of someone who is so deep in thought that they are seperated from the physical world.
The Debate
I stared for another 15 seconds til a slight nudge in my spirit told me that i needed to take him some food. We had lifegroup at our house the previous night so we had a ton of food in the fridge that all the men in the house picked at, but no one really cared if it went missing. So I tossed and turned about the idea of what effort i would have to exert in order to get him some food. i decided that he definitely would want some food and that we had plenty of leftovers in the fridge, but then i remembered i had class at 9 and would have to get ready soon, and then there was the fear of him rejecting me or he might want to hang out more and he we would start showing up all the time and i didnt know if i would have time to give to him if he did. I just sat there and tossed between the slight nudge and all the other things in the back of my mind that told me i didnt have time.
The Decision
After seven minutes or so of debating I decided that being Spirit led was worth more than worrying about class and time cause He will make space. I took another look at the old man and went inside to throw on a shirt and Nates flip flops which took all of 10 seconds, and i started to head down the stairs, but remembered i had left my journal and things on the porch and didnt want them to blow away so i spun around and jogged out the door. When i grabbed the books, i took a glance at the street to make sure the man hadn't started to make a move down the street but he was gone. He had completely vanished. I looked over the rail of the porch and couldn't see him anywhere. there was no feasible way he could have walked far enough down the street to be out of sight, and if he was moving at the pace he was earlier, he would have been barely standing in the time it took me to put my shirt on. I could see nearly a quarter mile down the street and there was no way he could have walked around the side of the church. I just stared in disbelief. I had ruled out all possibilities.
The Lesson
I don't know if the man was an angel or he magically recieved new legs and sprinted down the road, but i do know that i learned a remarkable lesson. That it isnt about my circumstances or my busy schedule or my false ideals of what it means to live a complete life. It's about living a Spirit led life that glorifies God despite our fears or pride. That its about having a yes in our heart to what God has next for us. Over the past few years, each time i feel that nudge to talk to someone, i am reminded of that old man and what could have been. That experience has radically transformed my life!
I was reading this morning and came across this verse and it pushed me to write this blog!
Hebrews 13:1-2 "Let brotherly love continue. Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels(messengers) unaware."
I also found this old picture of my porch today and the steps in the center right of the photo is where he sat!
