Today I saw a wall that separated a river and a busy street. On the side with the street, things are painted and nice. The buildings are beautiful and streets line with people. Yet on the other side, attached to the same beautiful buildings, scraps of metal are thrown together to make dangerous, ugly balconies that dangle over a river full of trash. The only things that people see, though, are the beautifully decorated stores. It’s a front. This is an image of me.
I knew all the “right answers.” I grew up in a Christian family and went to church every Sunday. I volunteered in kids’ programs, went to camp and got baptized…twice. On the outside, I was covered when it came to being saved. But this week, everything I knew about my relationship with Jesus changed. I was reading the Bible, and I came across a terrifying couple of verses that shook up what I knew about my “Christian” life.
“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Get away from me'” Matthew 7:21-23
What had I been doing all my life? Have I actually been doing the will of God? I realized I haven’t. I realized that yes, I was fortunate to grow up in a Christian home, and I “know the right answers”, but my faith was not my own. I volunteered and went to church because I wanted the self glorification. I put on a front showing my relationship with Jesus was way deeper than it was because I thought I was expected to, and I was prideful.
Here at For His Children in Latacunga, I am learning what it looks like to have a real relationship with Jesus and what it looks like to actually serve God. Currently, I’m in the middle of this challenging recognition. How do you forget everything you’ve known and start over? How do you humble yourself so much that you throw yourself at the feet of Jesus and cry out I AM NOTHING?
