“The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back.”
? C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces
Before I get into what happened on my birthday, I wanted to share a couple of things. If you have been on facebook recently, you have seen that my team and I have done a lot of painting, cleaning, making concrete, and working with kids in VBS. We are staying with a missionary named Mona, who loves on us like a mother.
Random spider anecdote I think you will appreciate:
So one night I was on my computer after all the others had gone to bed, because my poor laptop can’t really compete with the internet in the daytime. Suddenly, I felt something on my lower right arm. I paused typing and stared at that place, but it was too dark to see. Then something jumped on the screen; it was a large, hairy spider, about the size of my palm, and the thing was jumpy!
I quickly took my laptop out to the hallway where I could turn on the bathroom light. As I was walking, the spider crawled up and over the screen. I shook my laptop viciously, and then slowly turned it around to see where the spider was.
It wasn’t there.
I looked around the floor for it and then realized that it must have jumped off in the bedroom. I went back in, using the laptop screen as my light, got my headlamp, and made a quick search of the floor. And then I felt something.
On my chest.
I slowly pointed my headlamp to my collar, and all I could see was one hairy leg sticking out from under the shirt.
I bit back a yelp, ran to the bathroom, and proceeded to dig out the offending, incredibly brazen spider, and then smash it! I felt a little like Samwise Gamgee killing Shelob in the Lord of the Rings–But I felt taken advantage of more! Oh how dirty I felt. But such is life on this crazy race. 🙂
So this year, my birthday started off right, but I didn’t plan it that way.
I have had a headache/migraine for three weeks now. It’ been hard to sleep with this baby and many times I need to get up in the night. The days leading up to my birthday were filled with constant pain, tiredness, and emotional up and downs, but also with rich devotion time. I would wake up with the headache, put in my headphone to listen to worship while I read the Bible, and continue my journey in Hebrews. Here are a couple of the amazing highlights:
Hebrews 6:19-20
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
Hebrews 10:39
But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.
Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:13-16
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Hebrews 12:28-29
28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”
Well I still had a headache that night, so in the hours leading up to midnight, I finished Hebrews and read a little from The Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian. I hadn’t meant to purposefully do this, but the last few birthdays, I have read a little from the Bible and Narnia or the Hiding Place at midnight.
After midnight, I went out to our kitchen and decided to “dance with Him”, using the song “It Had to Be You” sung by Billie Holiday. I then went into a time of prayer, pacing (marching) the kitchen floor. I wanted to dedicate not only the first hour of my birthday to Him, but the whole year. I started off thanking Him for this past year, and also apologizing for my sin. I knew that He already knew all of these things, and already had forgiven me, but in any relationship it is more meaningful to apologize to the person you have hurt.
I then prayed for this upcoming year, for leading, that I would grow deeper in our relationship and so on. Thanking Him for what He has done and what He will do. I lifted up my family, friends, and squad mates to Him as well. I kept getting the words “courage”, “warrior”, and “valor” tied with 27–very epic! Take the lead, Lord!
Then, what should pop up on my MP3 player but “Come and Get Your Love”–you know, the song in the beginning from the movie Guardians of the Galaxy, where the main character dances throughout the beginning credits.
Perfect.
I started dancing like a maniac high on caffeine in dark. I danced in a circle all around the kitchen, hoping that none of my team mates would wake up and see me. It just would take too long to explain. 
But it was definitely a praise session in that kitchen!
And then I danced one last song with Him; “Come to Me” by the Goo Goo Dolls. As well as being incredibly romantic, I see my relationship with God in this song.
Come to me my sweetest friend
Can you feel my heart again
I’ll take you back where you belong
And this will be our favorite song
Come to me with secrets bare
I’ll love you more so don’t be scared
When we’re old and near the end
We’ll go home and start again
Isn’t that sweet?! I felt like I was renewing my wedding vows–which, in a way, I guess I was. I kept thinking of the way the Prince looked at Cinderella in the latest movie adaption, just before they were about to have their first dance. I fixed my imagination on the fact that Jesus looks at us with the same sweet, enduring look; one that spoke of love and affection.
I paused at one point in this dance. I asked out loud if this was ok, to imagine that I was dancing with Him, or was it just something I was forcing to make my birthday special?
I was reminded quickly of a fact: God made imagination. He loves it! And in that moment I was using it to glorify Him, to play and dance with him, Praising Him like a child–of course it’s all alright! What could be better?
“Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker.”
? C.S. Lewis
No matter what age I am, I will willfully mimic Lucy and Reepicheap from Narnia, the loving, courageous child who adores Aslan above all else, and the valiant and adventurous mouse who longs for Heaven, His King’s country, with all his heart.
I will always come to God like a small child, cradling an old soul. They can live side by side very contently!
“When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”
? C.S. Lewis
A great way to start a new year. Even with the pain.
“We Dance” by Bethel
You steady me
Slow and sweet, we sway
Take the lead and I will follow
Finally ready now
To close my eyes and just believe
That You won’t lead me
Where You don’t go
When my faith gets tired
And my hope seems lost
You spin me round and round
And remind me of that song
The one You wrote for me
And we dance
