When you hear the word submission, what do you think of? I use to think it was a sign of weakness, stepping down or passiveness. What do you think of when you hear the word marriage? For many it’s the start of a family, a step into bigger dreams. Before the race I saw marriage as nothing more than a title, as something I didn’t need to deem my love for my future spouse. To be honest I thought marriages that lasted a lifetime were a fairy tale, that they were extremely rare. The truth is they are becoming more and more sparse, as about 50% of marriages end in divorce in the US alone. These statistics had rolled around in my head countless times and taunted me, they were part of my reality and they’d shifted my way of thinking about marriage for a while.
My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old. As well as they handled it, my heart was still broken, my emotions fluttered every which way. I think this created unintentional wounds relating to marriage. I told myself all my life “I’ll find my soul mate, and that’s what we’ll be, we don’t need a piece of paper to bind this relationship, and if that isn’t good enough for him then I must have the wrong guy.” I was missing the point. It’s not a paper that’s meant to bind the love between 2 people, it’s God, and God wants to bless our marriages. Without him relationships crumble, co-dependency kicks in and someone gets hurt.
I’ve had relationships like this, where the person I was dating was my everything. The media/movies have a lot to do with the way we perceive relationship as well, but that’s a whole other tangent.
Yes there was my family and friends, I loved them, but if I had to choose, I wanted to be with my boyfriend over anyone. I think it’s the excitement in the ‘newness.’ Discovering things about each other and yourself, finding stuff in common, instilling confidence in each other, going on adventures, ‘falling in love,’ this is what was filling my tank. Co-dependency kicked in. I didn’t realize this until I really took a step back and looked at some of my past relationships, but essentially I was expecting someone to know what I needed when I needed it and I would do the same for them. I thought they would ALWAYS know what to say, because I OBVIOUSLY always did. WRONG. If I wasn’t having a good day, all I wanted was for that person to cheer me up, tell me everything’s going to be okay. And when they didn’t deliver because they didn’t ‘catch my drift’ I was left feeling hurt or vice versa. We weren’t made to be each others’ EVERYTHING.
These were extremely high standards that were never meant to be met by anyone 100% percent of the time but God because He is CONSTANT. We can do as much as we can with what we know, but we won’t always be able to hit the mark. For me to ever put that much pressure on a human being, who isn’t perfect, and makes mistakes as much as I do, was ludicrous.
With that being said on the race I’ve learned what a relationship centered around Christ looks like. I still remember our first month in India, listening to Mrs. Pudaite talk about her late husband as if he never left her side. She supported him all the way through their ministry. She submitted, deciding ‘this is what the Lord wants to do through us TOGETHER.’
In South Africa my team met Phil and Tania, our hosts for the month. The way this couple loved each other was just simply beautiful to see. They carried each other, were in sync to the Lord’s call on their lives. They had their own interests and differences, they complimented each other immaculately.
Now understanding what the true reality of marriage is about I had to address my fears/hate of the word submission. I started to break it down.
Submit is the first part of this. In a tangible way, you’ve given something your all, you’ve COMPLETED it, you’re ready to SUBMIT your work and move forward.
In a marriage sense I now see submission as this:
Submitting/supporting/encouraging someone for what God has MADE them to do.
My old self would say: ‘I can do this myself,’ my new self now can see: ‘There are people willing/ready to play their part when you’re ready to release your own pride.’
Ephesians 5:22-33 says it all. I’ve come to understand why marriage is so important through these scriptures, hearing stories of couples lives that were drastically changed by the Lord.
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
It doesn’t end here….
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:22-29, 31-33 NIV
It’s a giving of our whole selves. A healthy relationship is instilling confidence through the overflow of what God has given us.
“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.” Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”
2 Corinthians 9:6-15 NIV
