I struggled for a long time deciding whether or not to write about this. But God has been teaching me to speak, and I want to share of the miracles and power of our God. So here goes…Ask God to open your heart and mind to Him before continuing, as I am doing the same.
It was month 10. Two months shy of returning back to the states. We were in El Salvador, the land of pupusas, (my favorite food!), so I was real excited to be in this country!
Before we had even arrived at our ministry site, my squad stayed in a hostel for a couple of days to get refreshed and acclimated to a new country, city, and month. My best friend, Joané, and I had a room together. We started talking about the gifts of the Spirit.
Spiritual gifts were quite an extraordinary and new concept to me, and I had never been challenged in this before the race. Month 2 of my race, I was on a prayer walk with two of my teammates, Benita and Casey. We started talking about speaking in tongues. This was very new to me. I had never heard nor did I know anyone who had ever spoke in tongues before. She asked me if I had ever asked for that gift? I was stunned. I never even thought to ask for something like that. Could I even ask for that? Was it ok to?
That month I did a lot of seeking and questioning. I searched in the Bible about the topic of spiritual gifts, hungry to read anything and everything that the Bible had to say about it. It was like I discovered that the water in my well went much deeper than I ever could have imagined. I talked with squadmates asking the questions that I longed to know the answers too. In the end, I came to my own personal conclusion that yes, it was okay to ask God for those gifts. Probably the best advice I received was from my squadmate, Karen, who reminded me that “those gifts are to enhance the kingdom of God. They’re not for you; they’re for Him, to bring glory to Him.”
I still didn’t ask for anything yet.
At the end of month 4, we had a night of prayer and worship at my squad’s debrief in Lima, Peru. This was the first time I heard someone speaking in tongues, and I will never forget it.
It was heavenly.
It was beautiful.
I was speechless.
Once again, stunned. I was just kneeling down beside my teammate. We were both praying for God to heal my friend. And under her breath very quietly and to herself, she was praying in tongues. I would have never been able to hear it had I not been kneeling down right next to her. But I did hear it. And the moment I did, it was as if the Bible became alive to me. I remember thinking, God’s word is true. And it’s still true today.
I started asking for stuff then.
Now back to the beginning, when my best friend and I were conversing about spiritual gifts in month 10 of my race. We started studying 1 Corinthians 12-14 together. We were reading it out loud, when I realized that the ever popular and often quoted at weddings chapter, 1 Corinthians 13, was sandwiched nicely between 12 and 14. There was something to that. Chapter 13 took on a whole new meaning for me that day. In chapter 12, Paul talks about spiritual gifts, pausing it seems in between to talk about love in chapter 13, and then continuing the conversation of gifts in 14. In chapter 13 before Paul defines love, he writes that if he has these gifts mentioned in 12, but doesn’t have love, then those gifts are meaningless. And that was the moment I realized, though I had been praying and asking God for gifts for months now and had not received anything, that I needed to ask for something else.
I was reminded where my focus needed to be. Where all of our focus needs to always be: and that is on LOVE. Love for our God in heaven. We are commanded to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.” That is the first commandment. And the second is this, “love your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27.
Instead of asking for gifts, even though I still desired them, I spent month 10 of my race praying for intimacy with God; that I would love Him more. And as I am reminded of that prayer, it makes me want to start praying for deeper intimacy with God again.
I would like to address a couple of things about the gifts of the spirit. There is a lot to say, and I could not say everything in this short blog. But I would like to add that having spiritual gifts in no way means that you are superior to anyone else. All you have to do is ask, always asking according to the will of the Father. And that’s what I encourage you to do. But first before asking for gifts, maybe ask Him for a more intimate relationship with Him. For a deeper love for Him and His children. And secondly, that the gifts are to build up God’s kingdom here on earth, and not your kingdom. The gifts belong to Him anyways, so use them for His glory and His purpose. It’s all about Him. I went on my own journey seeking out answers to the questions I had. So I challenge you to do the same. If you want the gifts of the Spirit, ask Him. It’s that simple. If you’re not sure about all of this, then that’s ok too! We all love Jesus here! I would encourage you to check out my squadmate Lesa’s blog, http://lesahatfield.theworldrace.org/post/im-not-charismatic, who writes about not having a “charismatic” relationship with God, and how that is ok. But I would also challenge you to take a step further and seek it out for yourself as well.
And one more thing before you go. I would not have written this blog, if I hadn’t seen my own answer to prayer. So I say this for encouragement on both sides, the side of you asking and not receiving, as well as the side of you who have asked and received. I have been on both sides of the coin, and I currently am on both sides of the coin. But after writing this blog, I now desire intimacy with Him even more than the gifts that I still definitely desire :). The day I received a gift I had been asking God for and praying for for almost a year, was a miraculous day, and still remains a miracle to me! There is so much more to Jesus. He is infinitely more than we could ever imagine. Would you dare to believe that God is bigger than your circumstances? That He is greater than your heartache? That He is more than the tragedy and the chaos in this world? And that He wants to give good gifts to His children?
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; those who seek find; and to those who knock, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8
Until the next adventure,
Teej
