I have spent more time in the past two weeks with babies and toddlers than I ever have in my entire life. I can tell you that because of it, every day is filled with edge-of-your-seat excitement. Which child will unashamedly poop their pants or pass toxic gas while on my lap today?! Which child, in a fit of rage because another kid stole their lego, will slap me across the face today?! Which child, will, in the process of climbing on my back, choke me to death today?! Then again, which child will fall sweetly asleep to my singing? Which child will smile when I walk into the room? Which child will so happily run to me with open arms to greet me? Which child will clobber over the other just for a chance to sit on my lap? Which child will eagerly pull at my shirt to show me a book they’d like me to read? Which child will point to a cross and say with a knowing grin, “JeeSUS!” (They like to put an emphasis on the “SUS”)
I confess. I love these kids.
I love them.
Being here opens the doors to an entirely different and entirely beautiful facet of God’s love for us. I’m falling in love like I’ve never fallen in love before. Like I get excited to see these children each and every day despite the physical and emotional pain they deal me, so does Abba in heaven. He delights in me. He delights in us. He delights at our curiosities, at our needy cries for attention, He delights in our poopy diapers, our helpless messes, He delights in our times of rest (as hard as we fight against them), and He knows our voices and our cries. I can hear “K” * from across the field in the mornings and know that it’s him. I always thought that babies all cried the same until my sleep depended on these minor details. How amazing. How amazing that our Father knows the sound of our cries, and that He answers them.
How amazing that He has adopted us – orphans abandoned from the world, into His holy Kingdom. How amazing that He has saved us through self –torment. I always think to myself that it’s self-torment that I still love these kids – these kids who won’t remember my name an hour after cuddling with me, these kids who punch me and bite me when they don’t get their way, these kids who deserve everything in the world, but can’t have it. Yet isn’t that what Jesus gave on the cross? The Father’s heart has always been to give us everything that we can’t have, if not through His grace.
Thank you Daddy, for making Your heart so evident in these kids. Grant me the strength to leave them in the next 2 weeks. I will surely…. Surely need it.
* Disclaimer: I’m not disclosing the names of the children here for their protection and safety, not because I don’t know them! Thank you for respecting their privacy and welfare, and for your prayers.
