I could have gone away to college, or chosen to continue with school and life and work and ministry the way I have been doing for the last six years. I could have chosen another shorter-term trip. I could have taken a year off for work to “find myself,” but the truth within all of those options is that I want something more.
Maybe that seems selfish, or entitled, and maybe to some degree it is, but I know that I serve a God who has so much more for me, and for the world. I know what it’s like to live stuck, with a broken heart, feeling like I would never get out of the same patterns and same pain that I had been stuck with for years. My friends can tell you how difficult it had been over the years to not want to strangle me themselves as I was navigating through pain I could not even identify the root to. As I made myself smaller, and as I became closed off, cutting ties with anyone who I felt added to my struggle (when in reality, a lot of those relationships, I see now, are what have helped me seek healing).
I know there is a unique call on my life to help bring that kind of healing to other people. And maybe I’m not all the way there. Maybe I still need some time, and some grace, and more of the Presence of God, but I believe that by his mighty power at work within me, God can do exceedingly more than I can ask, think or even imagine. And I know he wants to take that to the ends of the earth. I know that in Thailand or Malawi or Guatemala he’s going to use me to bring those far from him, with broken hearts, living in daily pain, into relationship with him that will bring supernatural healing, restoration and redemption.
There’s a significance in going to the unknown, leaving what is comfortable, and choosing to live for Christ. From my experiences in India, I am far from romanticizing this idea that leaving will be comfortable, or easy. Every day I thank Jesus for my incredibly comfortable mattress and I have to ask God to calm my nerves (because, let’s just be real) and show me more of his heart for me, because I know that leaving will not be easy, but I know it will be worth it. And just like so many others being led into the wilderness, I know he will be there teaching me to trust him, and leading me into a deeper love for him than I can ever imagine.
Isn’t that the goal? This journey of falling deeper and deeper in love with Jesus. It is not comfortable for me to ask people for money (contrary to popular belief). I’ll work for it. I’ll do my part. But I know that in this season, God is asking me to partner with those around me. To seek a deeper connection with people. To ask, not only for financial support, but for spiritual support that can only come from my family of believers.
I’m so excited for this journey that he has already started in my heart. I’m so thankful for those who are prayerfully considering partnering with me and I’m so excited to get to gather with those that are thinking about it, around a table to connect and share my heart for the Race.
