She walked up to me, a hard piece of bread in her hand and a glimmer in her eye. Little did she know; she was about to steal my heart!
Mike asked me a couple of weeks ago, “How does it feel to be a father?” Stacey looked at me and told me she was ready to be a mother. Little did I know, part of me is dying to be a father. My heart has already started adopting. Everybody talks about it, is it possible to take kids with us? The truth is… Yes!
I have told you about Pablo. I have told you about Srey. They have never left me. They never will!
If you know me, I am a kid. I never considered myself a father, because I always considered myself still growing up. However, The Father is changing my heart. I am a kid, but I am also a father. I am a father to those who don’t have one and nothing makes my heart happier.
She didn’t know she was going to steal my heart, because I didn’t know she was.
She looked at me and made a funny face. I looked at her and made the same face back. Instantly I knew it. I was done for!
The next hour or so we spent dancing, laughing, running up and down a hill, spinning around in circles and staring at each other.
The time came; our matatu came stirring up the red dirt on the road. I was devastated. It could not be time yet. We said our goodbyes and crammed into the van that was to take us home. Next thing I know, the little girl had climbed up into the van and was piling in next to me. I started to laugh as I tried to explain to her that she could not come with us. The driver began to pull away. I shouted at him that we had one of the kids with us. He looked back and smiled and said she was to come with us.
My heart melted again. That five-minute ride back home seemed to last a couple hours. She would lean into my side and laugh as we passed all the individual shops and the boda boda drivers begging for people to take rides. The sun was beginning to settle in the sky and everything seemed perfect.
We were greeted by a slew of neighborhood kids all screaming and chasing our van singing, “How are you Mazungu?” They chased us all the way up a pretty long hill. I climbed out of the van to a mob of kids, all trying to rub my leg hair or look at my tattoos. I held the little girl in my arms. She was still laughing and making funny faces. We greeted the kids, played with them and laughed with them for a few minutes.
She then pulled me to the side, grabbed my hand and walked me to the front door of our home. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the dirty girl in the blue sundress, smiling and waving goodbye as she turned and walked away. She reminded me so much of Srey. The way she laughed and carried herself with a lot of spunk.
I almost started crying for no apparent reason. I knew I was going to see her again, but I had asked about her family. She had no mother and her father was not around. She had been growing up without a family.
Is it possible to be broken without realizing it?
I love my family and the reoccurring thing I find myself asking is, “How do I show how it feels to be loved?” How can I show the slightest bit of the love I received in my childhood to the kids I come in contact with?
The answer, I am finding is by being in the moment! By being who it is that God has called me to be. Sounds cliché, but it’s all that we can do.
Smiles speak a lot louder then words. A glimmer in an eye is more then enough to tell me that the Father at work. I am a father, because The Father loves me! I have the best role model, friend and counselor and so do you.
So, even if it is not possible to take a child with us, I still do! You see it is something I never understood, my heart is not being left behind. It is taking on smiles, tears, laughter, heartache, joy and frustrations. It is becoming more like The Father’s.
I am a father!
I have kids on four different continents!
Nothing could be better!
The other day, we went back to where I met the little girl. She was nowhere to be seen. For about an hour I set there wondering and wishing she would show up.
And then I saw the smile from down the hill!
Meet Jazira!
John 15:7-8
“If you remain in me and my words remain in you ask whatever you wish, and it will be give you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”
