I get to thinking a lot about how crippling fears
can be and how often I pray for safety from these things.
This came about when I went to get a physical and start the
vaccination process for this trip.
It ends up you can get all the shots you need in one visit, for me that
ended up being 1) re-upping Tetanus, 2) Yellow Fever, 3) Hepatitis A and 4)
Typhoid. So after all of these
things are coursing through my veins, naturally I think I’m going to wake up
with superhuman strength, the ability to see through walls or be able to play
concert piano (that’d be kind of cool).
I say that to say this, I HATE syringes especially ones with needles stuck to them! My mom actually went with me to the
doctor, she used the term, “quality time” which is true; but I have a theory,
who wouldn’t want to see their 23 year old man of a son cry because of a few
small needles. (No worries they gave me a sweet
sticker).. =]
In other fear news, I came in second after losing miserably
to a middle-aged woman machine (some may use the word Terminator) in a 6.4 mile
10k this past Saturday. The fear
comes in when one of my best friends jumped out from behind a transformer to
chase me the 6.3-6.4 mile stretch to the finish dressed in an Easter bunny
costume. Something about the
Easter bunny having a five o’clock shadow and wearing workboots chasing you
down after you are on the verge of crashing from near exhaustion, equals the
stuff nightmares are made of!!
Anyways, back to the fear thoughts. I don’t want to say that I am praying to be put in harms way,
because honestly I don’t think that I could honestly pray that prayer. But I do pray that I don’t let prayer
cripple me as a follower of Jesus!
Sometimes the fear comes shaped as small as “I wonder what people will
think of me” or as huge as “Dang, homedude looks like he is about to jack me
up!” Honestly, I think it has come
down to a trust issue, do I trust that God is looking out for what I see as my
interests? It is so easy to say,
“yes I do” and don’t get me wrong I
definitely do, but do my actions show it? Most of the time I am going to have to say “no”. Man, that’s even sadder to write
down!
I have done a lot of reflecting on the early church in Acts
and been in a lot of conversations lately about it.. Those dudes were fearless and had some crazy, audacious
faith! And that’s not saying fear
did not creep in, because we all know how the enemy works, but it definitely did
not cripple them!
I wrote in my journal the other night,
“Things are going good but I currently feel stagnant! I want things to move and happen.. But
I guess part of me is scared that something will happen”
Through this whole thought process I have kept coming back
to Philippians 1:21..
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is
gain”
Are you kidding me?
I’ll have some of what Paul was having!! I hope and pray that I can start now and continue through
this trip to mold and change my thought in my journal to what Paul wrote there. I desperately
want to live a life that glorifies our God for how awesome He is HERE AND NOW not because of
the prize in the end.. Paul got
that and it translated into how he LIVED
not how he thought about crappy fears and death.
God is jealous for us in the here and now and loves us
through it all!! It blows my heart, soul and mind!!
I read across “The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax
Collector” tonight and this whole idea of the Acts church took hold again..
Check it out, Luke 18:9-14:
9 To some who were confident of their own
righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax
collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I
thank you that I am not like other people-robbers, evildoers, adulterers-or
even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a
tenth of all I get.’
13
“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to
heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14
“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before
God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble
themselves will be exalted.”
So who are
you, the Tax Collector or the Pharisee?
Do we compare ourselves to others in order to justify how we live or do
we do something because we find ourselves unworthy of serving such a GREAT God and will stop at nothing
until ALL others recognize how
blessed we are and how undeserving we ALL
are of such a GREAT love?
All to often
I find myself as the Pharisee and way too afraid to step out of my comfort
zone.. We started a small group study and decided we were going to do a prayer
walk in Greensboro. The question
came up, “What is known as the worst part of town?” Immediately we kind of shied away and decided on a cozier
location to kind of meet and walk, but why?
I’m tired of
being comfortable and crave the day my faith is impenetrable to the point of
getting messy! Shouldn’t that be our
goal as Christ followers? To
restore a missional church here and now?
To quit letting fear gnaw at our ankles?
The Avett
Brothers have a song entitled, “Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise” (Check it out below). One of my favorite lyrics of all time is in this song, “If you’re loved by someone, you’re
never rejected.. Decide what to be and GO
be it.” Well we’re loved by THE ONE and I have decided, Now it’s GO time..
Jesus Party
=]
