Where would one begin to describe an overwhelming sense of nothing; not anger, not loss, not joy or pain, an overpowering sense of numb….the feeling that comes after a romantic breakup that is proceeded by a huge fight or the death of an acquaintance that comes after a long illness. Maybe it’s better described as the feeling of a child after an abusive ordeal a sense of loss of identity ……The Lord uses all things for His glory, the God of Love, Mercy and Grace does not cause pain to his children…….is this the pain that comes with submission or surrender……I thought that would be more like freedom and release…..I so expected that to relieve pain not create more. I knew that my life would be turned upside down through this experience I had no idea how much…..we´ve just begun. Do I have more questions now than before….when will the answers come? When will the Father I have come to know and love reveal His plan and purpose……Can a leader truly be humble berfore those they lead? Can one expose their weakness and still lead effectively? How does that effect the team? Does that cause doubt and question in leaedership ability and capability. Once the trust in leadershhip is gone can it be recaptured? I guess we’ll find out. Stay tuned as the drama continues to unfold…. Will a team grow stronger through the weakness of it’s leader? Will joy, refreshment and growth come after pain?
This experience has been referred to as the desert; I’m choosing to look at it as a rose garden with prize winning roses. The bright Son shines and the rains of living water fall yet Pruning and weeding are very important for growth to continue and the plants to fully develope into all their beauty.
Continuing toward the prize….which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
