Why am I doing this?
I want to be a special education teacher. But honestly, I am burnt out on school, so I longed for a break. What was I going to do? I started praying that God would show me where He wanted me. You know how sometimes you just wish you could hear a literal voice from God? Well I wanted to hear, “Teresa you will do…” but I have learned in the past God does not speak to me like he did Moses (still hoping someday he might
). But I was shocked how quickly this prayer was answered. I was meeting with my mentor and she told me about her friend who went on this mission called, The World Race. Right away I was drawn. I remember calling my mom the next morning excitedly telling her all about it. As always, she gave me her godly advice stating that it sounded great, but I should definitely pray about it before I did anything else.
Over the past 2 months I sought God, the Bible, and godly advice from others to see if this was truly something that I should do. Feeling peace and excitement about it, I went through the process of the application. I was elated when I found out I got accepted but my heart was not completely in it. There were some things that were holding me back.
The first was, “why am I doing this”? Was I doing this to see different countries, try new foods, go on adventures, make new friends…etc.? And if that was the case, those all seemed like selfish reasons. I got confused because I did want to do all those things. Were those my reasons for going? Was going for Jesus just an added bonus?
The next reason was family issues. We found out this past summer that my brother has cancer. He had a 3 month period of chemo to see if it would eradicate the cancer. I was waiting on his scan results before I let the WR know if I was for sure going to commit. I put so much hope in a miracle that God would heal him. When I found out that the cancer had not shrunk, not only was I heartbroken, but confused even more. I do not know how long my brother has but if it is not long, of course I want to be here with him. It would not be a burden to stay; I would love to and I would treasure the time. The World Race could wait or maybe it was God’s way of closing the door. I was lying in bed thinking about what I should do. I had 3 days to let the WR know if I was going to do this. Nothing about my brother would be resolved by then.
The next thing that was holding me back was if this was rational thing for me to do. I have spent a lot of money to go to school to get a degree. I am excited about teaching, but here I was, not pursuing it for the coming year.
All these thoughts flew through my head while I was lying in bed crying out to God. I just wanted to know. What are my motives? Is my brother going to live? Is this something I should really be pursuing? Then God asked me, “What is your desire, your passions, Teresa?” Honestly, to serve God, to love others with the love that He has shown me. I thought, well I can do that here in Ohio, staying here a year is not a bad thing, being with family is wonderful, I can teach. But I did not feel peace about this.
Over the next two days with more prayer, godly counsel, talking to WR and with God’s peace, I came to realize I am excited about what the WR entails and that is a good thing. It is impossible to have completely selfless motive, but my heart’s desire is to make Him known and to love on those around me. I love my brother deeply but with his blessing and encouragement he shared his desire for me to move ahead in this pursuit. I also realize this is an opportune time in my life, being single with nothing tying me down, to take a year for short term missions. Seeing and experiencing mission in all these countries will give me a fuller view of where God might call me in the future more long-term. I am moving ahead and going for it. I still struggle here and there with the decision because of fears that I have, but I know that this is something I am called to pursue and know that God is going to be with me every step of the way.
So here I go with God, a backpack, prayer warriors back home, and team members, off to be a light of the Most High, to shine in the dark places, and to love the often overlooked and neglected groups of people in Costa Rica, Honduras, Nicaragua, South Africa, Swaziland, Zimbabwe, Moldova, Ukraine, China, India and the Philippines.
Can I just say that I am more than pumped!
Here is a short clip about the world race that I saw when I was looking into it. Now, it is very enticing so be careful 🙂
