I sat in my hammock, wedged between feet and heads, alternating between reading and staring at the jungle on the edge of the Amazon River. This had become my normal the past few days, as we are in the process of boating the entire Amazon River from the mouth back up to its origin. As I sat, one of the Brazilian girls on the boat walked up to me, her mouth curved upward in a grin like she was hiding a secret.
Even without understanding her language, the message was clear. She sought approval for the masterpiece she held in her outstretched hands: a paper displaying the fine craftsmanship of a seven-year-old’s coloring in the book of an American friend she had found on board. At first glance, anyone might have been impressed with how well a girl of her age had colored in the lines, followed the pattern, and woven colors intricately into the design of the wolf’s face.
But I was offended. In fact, I was angry. Because the picture she held up and claimed as her own was the picture I had colored a month ago in Colombia, sitting at Mercy’s table. The only addition to what I had colored were two huge red sections in the wolf’s ears, colored outside each section and in many senses ruining the artwork I had created.
And there she stood, proud as could be, not understanding why I didn’t immediately applaud her plagiarized work. I half smiled and said “good,” not wanting to hurt her feelings and yet not wanting to betray my brutally honest personality and commend her for work I knew she didn’t complete.
Then the thought hit me. “Oh my gosh! This is what we do with God!” We take our pictures, having colored a tiny section in the grand scheme of the design, (maybe even having taken the pencil out of God’s hand) and ruining His artwork, and then we hold it up to His face, claiming all of the beauty as our own, not understanding why we don’t get a huge high five.
Let me explain. Everything we have been given is a gift. From our talents to our jobs to our relationships to our very breaths, the Bible says everything we have is something we have received. And yet we claim the work we do with the talents God has given us and expect God to applaud us. We fall into a performance mentality when God wants our hearts, not our works.
It’s as if God gives us a beautiful drawing of a wolf, but we think what we can do is better. So we take the pencil, color some dark red in the ears, and ask God what He thinks of His destroyed masterpiece. It’s like Solomon growing to think his wisdom was his own rather than a gift from God, or Saul not having the patience to wait for Samuel and offering a sacrifice himself.
Impatience, arrogance, pride, complacency. All are symptoms of a wolf with red ears. Maybe the irony of all ironies is that we are proud of a wolf with red ears when it is our ears that should be burning red in embarrassment.
There is truth to stewarding everything that the Lord has given us, and the Bible says we will be called to account for what we have done with our “talents” (see Matthew 25:14-30). However, I think the work-driven society in which most of us were raised has taught us that God’s love is contingent on the pieces of the drawing we can color for him.
God woils love you the same if you squandered all your gifts and possessions as He would if you used them all the way He intended. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more, and there is nothing you can do to make God love you less.
Because here’s the thing: your life isn’t the drawing you think you’re holding up for approval; it’s the pencil. There is work to be done, to be sure. But you have to let God guide you and sustain you through every part of it. Make sure you are in the hands of the Maker, and He will continue to design a masterpiece you never could have imagined.
What if we had the faith to let God keep coloring the drawing of our lives, even when it doesn’t make sense to us? What would the drawing of our lives look like if we didn’t try to take the pencil from God and we realized that we are the pencil?
I want to be who God created me to be, and I want to do all He created me to do. But I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize that I did a lot of things for God without really knowing God. I want to know Him and to make Him known. I want to be the clay in the Potter’s hands. I want to be the pencil in the hands of the Artist.
What do you want to be?
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We have been beyond blessed the past week or so since my last blog post. We have spent at least five of the days on boats traveling the Amazon River, and we spent the past two days in an Amazonian village partnering with a medical missions team.
I saw dolphins in the Amazon, I was woken up by a neighing horse, and I fell asleep to howler monkeys. I have been blown away by what God is doing and how receptive people in Brazil are to the gospel.
Most people would not think of Brazil as a third world country, but it is. Outside of cities like Sao Paulo, Rio de Janeiro, and Manaus people live in poverty. As we boat the river, people wait all day in canoes to receive the food and clothes people throw off the boats to them. In the community where we were working, the people saw a dentist for the first time in their lives.
Most of the families did not have a toothbrush, and if they did then they shared one for the whole family. They waited in line all day for two days to have (in most cases) their worst tooth pulled, because the need was too great for them to have more work done than that. The next time they see a dentist will probably be in a year or two when another team like this makes it back out to the village.
Sarah, one of my teammates, is going back to the States in about a week because she got an interview for dental school. She was able to shadow and do a little work with the dentist right before her interview! I thought this was such an amazing opportunity and I was so happy for her!! I also mention it to ask you to pray for her as she journeys back and has her interview around the 31 of October. Her dream is to do missions with dentistry, and after seeing her gift in action, I realized how vital this work is like I never did before.
Another update is that I was able to speak at the community for their church gathering. There were two aspects to speaking that I had never experienced before. Firstly, I had to use a translator because I don’t speak Portuguese and Spanish is not similar enough for them to understand. Secondly, it was at night in the jungle and I was standing under the only light. That meant that bugs swarmed me the entire time, and I picked bugs off my face and body through the entire time (I still found bugs in my clothes even after I changed later that night).
Between these two obstacles it was hard to focus on what I was saying, but the Holy Spirit showed up like He always does and the message was powerful. Marcos (my translator and one of the pastors of the outreaches) studied nursing in the states and learned English because he wanted to be used as a translator in missions. He did a fantastic job, and it was so fun to work as a team to bring God’s Word to His children. It was a wonderful experience. Please pray God continues to develop this gift in me and that I steward it in a way that will bring Him honor and glory.
As always, I have written a book and I feel like there is still so much I am leaving out! My videos are a little behind because of lack of access to Internet, but they will hopefully make the experiences a little more real for you all once I can upload them. Also, God is really expanding my influence on YouTube. Some of my videos are getting thousands of views, with one having over 10,000 views right now. Please pray God continues to use this platform for His glory, as well.
I can’t post any videos or photos right now on this blog because the Internet isn’t strong enough, but check my Instagram if you’re curious. I have a little data on my international plan, so I use Instagram to post updates when I have service. If you want real-time updates, make sure to follow me there!
I hope you enjoy them and are having as much fun being on this journey as I am! Please continue to pray for safety in traveling, against sea sickness (it’s a real thing), and that God continues to work in marvelous ways. Thank you!!!
Love always,
Tera
