Hey Sisters…
I feel discouraged today and I think satan is sicking his demons on me. It’s actually crazy because I just wrote this all to you and it didn’t save and I said everything perfectly and now I don’t think I will be able to replicate it. (just another way to get me down I think!)
But anyhow.
Through the whole process of me being accepted and deciding to go and beyond, I have always been 100% confident that the Lord would provide for me for this trip finanically. But today I am feeling really concerned that it won’t all come in, and I hate that.
You have to know a little bit about my background to understand this part of my mind. I was raised in a family that was extremely frugal. My parents are almost have an unhealthy obsession with saving money and not spending it. Part of that has rubbed off on me and even though I have never taken out a loan and have never had credit card debt, I still feel guilty when I spend money. And when it comes to missions trips, my parents are very behind me but never have full confidence that the Lord will provide. Therefore, it makes faith that much harder for me to have because I feel like I’m trying to have the faith for the three of us. Saving and support raising for the world race has been difficult because I hear my parents voices of concern constantly. And when I don’t have the dollars to back it up, it leaves me feeling desperate.
In all honesty, I don’t want to hear that the Lord will provide and he has it all under control. I know that, I am confident in that, and I believe that. I guess I don’t know what I want to hear. I feel very alone in my concern over my financial state for the World Race. And I feel burdened in general that this is a main focus, when I want so many other things to be my focus.
