The thought of coming home and the reality that it is happening in 5 days are two very different things.
The thought of coming home excites me! I get to see all my family and friends that I have missed dearly, and who have supported and encouraged me along the way. I can’t wait to hug you all and talk your ears off for hours. The thought of having the comfort of a bed, MY bed, seems surreal. Don’t even get me started on the convenience of a car, Target and microwaves! I’m excited to come home and have quality time, sharing what my year has been like and hearing all about what happened in your lives. I am excited to come home.
However, I am also nervous to come home. When I think about the fact that I’m home in 5 days, it doesn’t seem real. On the Race, I have community, purpose, identity all centered around Christ. This is the call. This is how we are supposed to live as followers of Christ. Why would that need to change? Coming home is scary because I know that I am not the same as when I left. I’m still Teagan, but I’ve grown in many ways. Will I be accepted? Will friendships be the same? What about the overwhelming idea that living in comfort is a norm? My brain spins! My eyes see through a lens that is different. My soul craves new things. My heart beats for things that didn’t matter before. I have changed, because the Holy Spirit dwells in me and I desire more.
As I have been praying about coming home, here are a few things I thought would be helpful to share:
1. I may be sad, but it’s not because I’m not happy to be home. I love this life I’m living. I love the ministries I’ve served and people I’ve met. I have done life with the same 46 people all year and they are family now. I have experienced things that are just seemingly unreal. These are all things I will miss and I need to grieve. Ask me about them though, because it’s not a secret. I want nothing more than to share this incredible piece of my life with you.
2. I’m going to talk about these new people in my life. K-Squad are my people. We have gone deeper with each other than we have gone with most people back home. We have experienced the miracles of the Lord together. We all share this crazy love for the Lord and to bring His Kingdom to this earth. I want to tell you about the people who have loved me and done life with me this past year. They DON’T replace you though. Please hear me say that!!! When I miss them and want to see them know that they heard me miss you and want to see you too! I love you all and I really just want us all to live in a big house together and all be besties. If I talk too much about them, or you at any point feel hurt please tell me. I won’t be be angry and I want nothing more than to pray with you and understand your heart.
3. Grace. I may do random things that don’t make much sense or use phrases that are new. I may randomly feel an emotion triggered by the story I’m sharing. I may constantly need to be around people, because what is being alone…? (I haven’t been alone in 11 months, and the idea of it is kind of scary) The truth is I have no idea what re-entry is going to look like in my life. With that I would love and appreciate grace when I am too much or not enough, when I say the wrong thing, or whatever it may be. Know that my intentions are pure and I still make mistakes.
4. Specific questions make me feel at ease. “How was your year?” is an overwhelming question. You too just lived a whole year of life and you know that lots has happened. If you could ask me how a specific month was, what is a new facet of the Lord I experienced, for a funny story, something hard I walked through, testimony of the Lord etc. it would mean the world to me! I want to share everything trust me, so you ask a question and then just tell me when to stop. 😉
5. God loves to take a plan and make it His! And my goodness I’m so thankful for that! So what’s next? The Lord is so good and His ways are perfect. Did I see what was next for me coming? Nope, well maybe, but I was ignoring it! So what’s next? I will be alumni squad leading for Y-Squad, in August. (Follow up blog with more details on alumni squad leading in the next couple days.) First of all, YAY! I am so excited for this amazing opportunity to serve the Lord and Y-Squad! Secondly, I will be home for ONE month. That is not very long! There are so many of you that I want to see and catch up with. My family comes first, Mom and Trey, thank you for allowing me to follow the Lord wherever He takes me. I’m sure this can’t be easy for you, because I know it’s not for me. I love you and during this month home I can’t wait to show you that! Everyone else, I love you too and if you want to get together when I’m home please reach out to me and ask. Know that I will do my best to make it happen, but please give me grace if I can’t. I’ll be squeezing a lot into a short amount of time, from processing coming home to being home to leaving again, and everything in between. (ps. If you are interested in going on the world race and have questions or want to hear more shoot me a message! I’d love to share and encourage you in this journey)
Thank you for listening to/reading my process thus far. I love you all and can’t wait to see you soon!!!
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