In 5 short days I fly out to Gainesville, Georgia for a 10 day long training camp for the World Race (11 months long, I leave in August). Training camp is one big surprise, and all I know is to be ready for anything. Needless to say, I thought I was ready to go up till about a week ago. That’s when it all started to feel real and the nerves/fear/“am I enough?” kicked into full force.
I am starting to actually see people for the last time before I go. It’s this weird thing where coffee turns into a goodbye/see you later. WHAT?!?! I wasn’t ready for this! This summer was supposed to go slow and give me plenty of time to do whatever I felt I needed to before I embarked on this crazy adventure with Christ and 55 awesome individuals I don’t yet know (see you all in a few short days! Ahh!)
I wish I could say I was as confident about this whole endeavor as I was a couple weeks ago, but the reality is I am scared. I am scared of the things in my heart that I am ignoring and God is going to bring to the surface, I am scared to be vulnerable with my team, I am scared that I am not cut out for the lifestyle of a World Race’er. I mean seriously… I made my mom kill a spider for me two nights ago and in 5 days I will probably have one on my face. I’m sorry, but can we not! I mean I will probably become fearless of bugs after this next year, but until then this and my camping skill set are in short supply. Did I mention these 10 days would be my first real camping experience. Yikes! I thought I was ready, turns out I am so unprepared it’s nuts!
What I do know with all of my being is that God has called me on this powerful journey to share the gospel with all nations and to love all people, and to trust Him and His seemingly unfitting plan. He knows my heart far better then I do, and so as He calls/pushes me into the unknown of His Will I changed my phone lock screen to “Do not be anxious about anything. Philippians4:6”, I practice pitching my tent like I am going to the Olympics for it, and I pray that the Lord did not mix me up with someone else when He said apply.
The scary part is that each time I ask, “God are you sure?” He says, “go.”
With that I ask for prayers! Please be praying for my journey, my trust in the Lord, and my anxious heart.
Much Love,
Teagan
PS. I know that with Christ I can do this, but the fear staring me in the face, as I am about to take this next step into the unknown, is very real and asking it nicely to move is not going to do the job. I think I will have to take him out with my backpack instead; it weighs 40lbs and should do the trick!
