I went on an 11 month journey around the world because I had a heart to help people and more importantly to see people come to the knowledge of Christ and experience the joy that came with that. I came to found out much later the race was a total setup! The Urban Dictionary defines setup as “a fabricated scenario that is not what it is intended to appear as.” Now I usually would not use the Urban Dictionary as a reference, but I think it is appropriate for the sole purpose of this blog. The news headline during my departure last September 2013 would read, “Jesus Lover Seeking to Change the World!” The news headline August 2014 would read, “Wholly Broken – Looking for Some Superglue!” This past year was not just about me going around the world preaching the gospel and being a hero, like I thought. Now that I think about it, that was a very selfish perspective. My experience this past year was a platform for the Lord to break me, change my perspective, and break my heart for what breaks His.
The race set me up to see God in a whole new way. It enabled me to long for and desire a more intimate relationship with Him. I was a believer before this trip but often found myself living based on an ideology of what I thought a Christian should be. Basically I found myself doing a lot of things for God rather just being with Him, hoping I made Him proud. God doesn’t want me to live from a legalistic paradigm. He longs for a deep meaningful relationship with Him. He’s already proud of me. It’s not about anything I do, my accomplishments, or my titles. He loves me for who I am! I also learned to see Him more than just a Father. He was my companion when I was extremely lonely despite having so many people around me. He was my protector, when I found myself in dangerous situations some of which I placed myself (i.e bungy jumping in Nepal or shark-cage diving in South Africa). He was my provider when I craved something such a peanut butter or sweet potato in the most random locations. He showed up! I’ve learned to trust Him so much more! God is still daily revealing to me so many different facets of himself.
The race set me up to have a heart for people and the nations. A heart for the lost, the poor, the destitute. My idea of compassion a year ago was volunteering at the local food bank when it was most convenient for me. This past year I’ve found myself on the streets ministering to young women in prostitution, I’ve shared my last bits of peanut butter with children in the streets of India, defied the law and went into the jungle of Malaysia to minister to a group of men, and also proclaimed healing to a to a deaf man in Nicaragua. I am now able to see God through people and that has helped to develop in me a compassionate heart. These people have impacted me in ways they have not even fully realized! Thankfully for technology, I am still able to keep in contact with and support many of the people I’ve met around the world. What a blessing! On occasions I do find myself daydreaming about a certain country/people I’ve met and wondering what life would be like there but I know I’m exactly where God wants me to be in this moment. And I also know when I think of orphans I will remember Samjana and Sameer in Nepal or when I think of women’s ministry I’ll remember Dania in Nicaragua and Fredrica in Botswana. I now know specifically how to pray for the world’s needs because I’ve experienced it on the front line. Although I may not be with my brothers and sisters in Christ I’ve met around the world, my heart continues to pray for them!
The race was a total setup for me to give more and expect more from my relationships. Living, brushing my teeth, and simply doing life with the same people 24/7 was quite the experience. But with that, I’ve witnessed firsthand the importance of community. Far beyond that, the need for authentic, genuine relationships where you have the permission to call one another out on crap, speak truth, say the hard things with love, and simply push each other to be better reflections of Christ. My teammates have been my mirror this past year. Sharing and giving me feedback daily on aspects of myself I may or may not see. Some things encouraging and positive other things weren’t so pretty, rather constructive, which has encouraged me to grow and be a better woman. I’m not perfect ya’ll (picked that up in GA), but I am certainly striving to be more and more like Christ. My teammates have shown me what it means to love. I didn’t do a great job of embracing it and letting them love me initially, but they never gave up on me and continued to fight for me. It’s has been interesting to see how that comes full circle. When I find myself wanting to give up on certain people or relationships in my life, I’m reminded of what this past year has taught me – the importance of fighting for relationships! While some relationships are seasonal, it’s not up to me to determine that because I don’t want to deal with that person. I have to continue to be humble and challenge myself in the way I love and serve others, hoping they will see Christ’s love through me.
John 14:34 So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
Finally, the race totally set me up to never be the same, to search for more and forsake my earthly desires to follow a greater vision – God’s calling and will over my life. My perspective on the term “contentment” has radically changed. I now find myself in a season where I have to be solely dependent on the Lord and other people. I have to rely on people to take me to work and places I need to go because I don’t have a car. I have to rely on the financial support of others for basic needs such as housing and food while I’m in my fellowship program. It’s really hard. Especially having been very independent. Quite frankly to be honest, sometimes I miss the days when I was trying to climb the corporate ladder. I miss the money. I miss the fast paced life. I miss the structure and social stratification…I’m still a very ambitious person, but now my ambition has been somewhat redirected to focus on not just myself. In my role thus far with Adventures, I’ve had the opportunity to help facilitate a women’s retreat and talk to about 250+ racers at training camp about a project I’m working on that will help to equip them and train them in specific ministry fields. It’s pretty cool. To think I was just in their shoes a year ago and now I’m having the opportunity to speak life and truth into their lives and also have an impact on their World Race experience! When I look at the bigger picture I’m quite content.
It’s not always easy to embrace this “setup.” I do occasionally, find myself desiring a comfortable life, one that makes perfect sense. Then the Lord sends someone my way to remind me of the impact I’ve made in their life. Then do I realize once again, it’s totally worth it! So for those who are thinking of embarking on this journey as well, you may think you’re going to 11 countries to preach the gospel and serve people all around the world. Yes, that will happen but also know the Lord is using this platform to set you up for something bigger and better. Will you embrace it?
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Up Next: I’ll be sharing more about what I’ve been doing so far with Adventures in Missions!
With Love,
