I’ve been having a hard time lately. I don’t know if i can put my finger exactly on when it began, but I have been distracted from what I have been doing and where I am. To put it simply, my mind is elsewhere. I am thinking about people at home, what they are doing, who they are with, what I am missing. I flip situations and scenarios over in my mind again and again until I feel so overwhelmed I can barely breathe properly. I have been sleeping more than I usually do, partly because I have been training every morning to run in a 10k next week, and partly because, between ministry outings, I don’t know what else to do.
I have been reading my bible everyday, trying to press into the promises that God has for me, and trying to really trust that He is all I really need. My constant turning thoughts are being used against me to cause anxiety and fear in my heart. I know that these feelings are not from God, but I keep finding myself trapped in their hold. I was talking to my parents just a few days ago voicing my concerns and what I am struggling with, and it was suggested that I blog about it. The thing is, I didn’t think there was really anything to write about. Until yesterday….
Sunday was a hard day for several reasons, but one of which was my inability to get ahold of anyone in the States that I wanted to talk to (not from lack of trying on my end, mind you). I was upset and suddenly had an overwhelming sense of loneliness even though I was surrounded by hundreds of people in the middle of a mall. I tried to keep it together, waited until I got back to the house, grabbed my journal, and headed to the only semi-secluded place on the property. When I began to cry, two kids happened to walk past. They stopped and the little girl asked me what was wrong and why I was crying. I was too choked up to even reply, and after a few seconds went by she said, “Is it because you miss your family?” I felt shocked and looked at her with wide eyes, nodding slowly. She and her cousin came to sit by me and told me that they would try to make me feel better. She went on to tell me how she loves her family too, and that it’s ok to cry, but that she would be my friend to make me happy (she is 11, and her cousin is 10).
I read a book in Guatemala called Love Does by Bob Goff. There was a part in it that spoke volumes to me. It was encouraging those of us who do not hear God’s audible voice or whisper to recognize when He is speaking to you by other means such as through other people, nature, goosebumps, sudden inexplicable gut feelings, animals, etc. Well, God was speaking to me through that little girl and was giving me comfort that I hadn’t felt from anyone else.
A few hours later, I just finished watching a movie and thought that maybe it was time to go to bed (even though it was only 8pm). When I got up, I went to grab my journal off the coffee table and noticed a small stuffed bear that had a note underneath it labeled, “Adopt Me!” I picked it up confused and looked to see if it was addressed to anyone in particular or if someone had left it. Upon not finding anything, I opened up the little note and this is what it said:
HI! I’ve traveled solo here in Tacloban for a few days and what’s supposed to be just the usual touristy trip somehow evolved into a trip with purpose. I decided to give a small trinket like this bear together with a short note of encouragement to random people I will meet during this journey. I invited some friends to join me in writing the notes and my friend requested that I give this to a fellow volunteer. The purpose for this small initiative is to make this a way for other people to reach out and connect with someone. To make people know that there is still something good out there. And that moreover, that His love is still here. At one point or another, loved ones and unexpected people encouraged me and made me smile during my not-so-good days and downright terrible days. And I am pretty sure you have encountered such people as well. I do believe the world needs more of that. They/we need more to feel His love. The world needs more people out there who would not hesitate to connect and share His love, like you. Even through such a simple connection like this message and God’s word. I hope and pray that you and everyone of you during your journey will be safe and fully guided by His love and presence.
P.S. When I was told that you guys were from the World Race, I was a bit surprised because I’ve somehow stumbled upon World Race’s FB page before and followed it. I enjoy reading the blogs of all the racers!
Please take care of the little bear. Thanks! God Bless, Grace.
Now seriously, what are the chances that I would be the first to notice that little bear, that I would decide to open it, and that I would read a message of encouragement on a day like that? Once again, God was reaching out to me and comforting me. I was overwhelmed, but this time with a sense of peace in knowing that God was looking out for me and wanted to show me that He responds when I need help. The woman who wrote that, Grace, was someone who stayed in the house for a mere day and a half, and wanted to pass along love and encouragement even after she left. I am so very thankful for that little bear, and I am going to make an effort to do something small like that to reach out to people each month.
God always hears me. He knows my every need and comforts me.
