Don’t get me wrong. It’s different for everyone. Maybe you knew it was a long way coming, maybe ya didn’t expect it at all! I wasn’t expecting anything, and I’m not good at grieving. I thought that I had been through hard things by myself but not being able to be home with my family during this time of grieving is one of the hardest things ever. Knowing they are all together to support each other and mourn and celebrate a loved ones life and I’m not there to do that with them… Has been so hard. It doesn’t help that this happened a day before Christmas Eve. No that actually makes it 10x worse. I knew some family would be together and get to spend time and I was happy but a little homesick about it. Hearing that I lost my great aunt and knowing even more family would be coming home is so hard to be so far away. Not knowing what’s going on, because of no wifi. I’m laying in bed as I write this. I can imagine all my family getting together right now to celebrate Barbs life. It breaks my heart to know I can’t be there with them and makes it so much harder being in the mountains of Africa. I felt like a huge bomb was dropped on me to ruin my Christmas.
When I continuously try to turn it around in my head to a good thing I find out so much more every time. For example: I know Barb is in heaven now with her family and she is healthy there.
She doesn’t have to be lonely here on earth now and she can be forever happy.
She’s watching over me and I hope I can make her proud.
She knows I loved her and I know she loved me.
It’s a good time for me to learn how to do this grieving thing on my own. Heck no it’s not easy but it’s a small part of life I haven’t learned how to do on my own yet.
Frankly I am not feeling thankful or blessed by this tragedy that has come upon my family. I know that The Lord is going to use it and use me from it. And he already is using it for good things.
