“I don’t really have one. I try not to form ideas before I go into things. I feel like I can enjoy things better that way.” This is the response I gave my Dad when he asked what my thoughts were about going to visit a juvenile detention center. Yes, I try not to fantasize about the future, but truth is, sometimes your imagination involuntarily takes over. In the back of my head I wondered if they would be open with us. Would they be entertained with our games? Would our skit be funny to them, or would they think we were a complete joke? I prayed they would be open to God and the talk that Olivia had prepared for them, but in the back of my mind I feared that they would feel preached at and want nothing to do with us.
As I walked back from the bathroom, all of the girls were sitting rows on the floor. Half wearing orange polos, the other half wearing blue. Later on I found out that orange meant they weren’t done with court, and blue meant they had finished their court case. We began to introduce ourselves one by one. Wide eyed they listened to the six of us introduce ourselves and they repeating our first names, but not another word. I stared into each of their faces wondering what their thoughts were. Then we began to sing. Most participated but not all were into it. I could see self-conscious looks lingering on their faces. A look that I know all too well from looking into the mirror. I was still uncertain of how they felt towards us, but in this moment my heart began to break for them. Next we planned to play a game. The game we had planned for them was the rock, paper, scissors train. The game begins by finding a partner to compete against. After explaining how the game worked I became very aware of their feelings towards us. Overwhelmed with excitement, all 30 girls scrambled as fast as they could to see who would be the lucky winner of being able to claim one of us as a partner. They would run towards us and cling to a hand or an arm, whichever one they could reach to first, tighter than we cling to our iPhone while walking on a dock. To them, claiming us as a partner was a prize! With each start of a new game the race was on again, and with each new partner it was made more apparent to me just how much our company meant to them.
After the games and skit Olivia gave her talk on forgiveness. A talk so perfect for the audience that it was clear God delivered it to her Himself. As she spoke I watched the girls intently. Curiosity stirred in me. Yes, they loved us being there, but did they care about the message that we came here to deliver. As I watched the girls mostly listening, a few whispering to one another, my eyes were drawn to one girl in the front row. Wide eyed, her focus never shifted from Olivia. I could feel the burning desire inside of her. I could tell from her eyes that she got it, and not only that but she hungered to know more. I had to talk to her but how? Language barriers are a real struggle and there were 29 other girls our host had to translate for. As soon as Olivia finished talking our host asked us to sit amongst the girls and pray for them. I knew this was my chance. I darted towards her just as they had me during the games. I sat down with her and two others joined. I began to pray over all three of them, but then my prayer began to be more directed towards her. I could feel that she was pushing open the seal towards God, and I NEEDED it to break! Longing to know more about her, I asked my host to ask her and the other two if there was anything specific they wanted me to pray for. The two girls both asked for me to pray for their families. Finally, she answered and I listened intently as my host translated. “I want to be able to feel loved.” These words broke me! Fighting back tears I thought back to countless nights crying alone in bed longing and praying for the same exact thing. Remembering the pain of not being able to expect love shook me. I wanted to burst into tears for her, but I forced myself to hold it together. I then began to pray over them, leaving her for last. When I began to pray for her I did not want to stop, so I kept repeating it over and over. My heart was breaking for her to accept Christ. I needed her to know the truth that I took too long to discover. I needed her to know the true love of her Father. To know His mercy and forgiveness. There was nothing else that I wanted more in that moment. After my prayer our host came back over to our group. He began talking with the girls and as he talked she asked questions. The talk lasted for a good 15 mins. Since I know two words in Thai I had no idea what was going on, but I had a feeling that it had to be good! I knew that she wanted to know more and he was giving it to her. As the talk went on the other two lost interest and got up to go over to the other groups who were playing games, but I prayed that she would stay focused! I prayed that she would keep soaking in the information that my host was providing her! Finally, He looked over to me, “She wants you to lead her in a prayer to accept Christ into her heart.” MY SPIRIT LEAPED WITH JOY! Never had I lead someone in a prayer to accept Christ, but I was not going to let that come in my way. I honestly couldn’t tell you what I said in that prayer, but I know it was Spirit led and that is all that matters. After this experience God made it apparent to me that He never wants me to forget about where I have come from. When I say this I don’t mean where I was born or where I grew up. I mean the pain that my Heavenly Father so gracefully delivered me from. While He has taken away all of my sin and shame, I know that He wants me to keep those broken emotions close to my heart so that I can NEVER forget how far He has brought me. I pray daily that the same will be true for this 15-year-old girl. That these feelings of loneliness, pain, and shame will only be a reminder to her of just how AMAZING our God truly is! I have the opportunity to visit her again on December 6th and I am going to bring her a bible. I am praying for God to work in BIG ways in her life, and would love if you would join me in praying for her and the other beautiful girls who are in the juvenile detention center!
