Over all my experience at training camp was an emotional journey. I arrived on Wednesday and by Thursday night I was ready to drop out! I was prepared to come home and work everyday until I could pay back every donator. I say this in all seriousness, I was miserable. Every 5 to 10 minutes tears were rolling down my face. I had only made it through one full day of my 10 day training camp and the thought of 9 more days without my family made the tears come pouring, and the previous meals from throughout the day felt like they were about to resurface. Living in close community with 51 girls who I did not know from Adam, while also being surrounded by 249 other individuals was not an ideal situation for an introvert like myself! I was overwhelmed with the situation and the pain of missing my family could not be shaken. In small group settings I could not speak because of the knot in my throat that would grow larger and larger as the desire of wanting to cling to my mom continued to grow. I longed for the comfort of my loving parents. I wanted the comfort of my home, my sweet puppy, my friends, and even to my surprise my job. The word comfort was on reply in my head! Comfort was the one thing that I couldn’t let go of. It was something I was fighting to lose. In anger and irritation I kept asking God why my calling couldn’t be simple. Why couldn’t the plan God had for my life involved remaining at home in the presence of my family? Couldn’t the God of all creation find work for me at home verses traveling around the world for 9 whole months!? Then I realized that the answer that God was giving me was comfort. God kept pressing into me reminding me that He is a jealous God, and that my comfort must come from HIM! When disaster strikes and I am removed from my comfort He wants me to run to Him. Not my mom, not my family, not my friends, or even the comfort of my own home! My Heavenly Father, my Creator, the one who formed me before I was even in my mother womb calls me to RUN to Him. He is my strength, my protector, and He upholds me with His righteous right hand! My Father will never forsake me. His plans are to prosper, and never to harm me! My God is an awesome God, and my heart leaps with joy of anticipation and thankfulness that God has called me on this beautiful 9-month journey. I am longing to know my Fathers heart more deeply! But most of all I long to find my comfort and peace in God alone! I know this journey will be filled with trail, because God never promised that it would be easy, but He does promise that it will be worth it! I am ready to give up comfort in this world and endure pain as long as the outcome is a deeper relationship with my Creator! Matthew 19:29 says that whoever leaves behind their homes and family for His sake will gain rewards in internal life. This is God’s calling for my life and I will obey!
