During our last week in Cambodia, one of my alumni squad leaders remembered how I mentioned I wanted to read more on the race and did not prepare well for that. He blessed me incredibly with his kindle before he left to return back to the states. Something he has carried around for the past 2 years on his wild journeys. Because of that incredible blessing, I have been reading “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller. I came across this quote that rocked my socks off:
“Somehow we realize that great stories are told in conflict, but we are unwilling to embrace the potential greatness of the story we are actually in. We think God is unjust, rather than a Master Storyteller” – Donald Miller
I used to think that the “unjust” things that happened in my life were just because God wanted to put me through pain when I did nothing to deserve it. I thought that he threw certain difficulties into my life because “I could handle the pain” or “I was tough enough to go at it alone.” I based my relationship and love from HIM on my performance of certain situations or things I could achieve.
(Rewind)
World Race Training Camp, July 2014:
God brought me to a place of brokenness. I cried. felt like I had been rocked to the core. Even with all the things I thought I had done right and all the things I was ashamed of, that God still loved me in and through all that crap. That things I had been pressing down for years were being brought up and I had come face-to-face with finding beauty in the pain. Joy in the mourning. Freed of those things that had held me captive for so long. I thought it was going to be one and done and then never to cry again or to have to talk about some of the pains from the past……..that I could move forward and never have to revisit those roots again.
(NOW)
NEPAL, Month 6
Plane flight from Kathmandu, 14 hour bus ride through Nepal, and a nice trek through rice fields to get to our contact’s orphanage in the Nepali village of Ulabari. We have been here at the orphanage for a week, doing manual labor to help lay concrete, take rust off of the structure, sift dirt, clear out storage rooms, paint, and scrape dried mounded concrete off of the ground. Along with all of these projects, we were also asked to create a badminton court for the children to play on after school.
My team mates and I surveyed the small section of land that we were given to create the court. In our minds, we wanted to go above and beyond what our contact Reuben asked of us. We had seen a Badminton court walking through the village that was really nice. It was make of beautiful sand and the ground had been leveled. The plot of land we had currently was home to many weeds and patchy grass areas.
“No Problem!” we thought to ourselves. “We will just clear off this top layer and then break off the ground underneath and we should be good to go! Easy shmeezy”
We began shoveling, hoeing, and leveling out the ground. As we thought we had finished clearing the first layer of patchy grass we noticed that the weeds/roots were popping up all over the place. It felt like we had done nothing. Like that first layer we were supposed to get rid of and then it was going to be perfect…was not happening. Shocker!
Our tools were becoming useless as they were just too big and clunky for the finite job that needed to happen to get rid of some of this rubbish!
So we got down on our hands and knees and began to individually pick out roots, we tore up the thicker dirt with our hands and grasp onto weeds with our nails to pull them out.
My hands were immersed in dirt for days, my nails were never clean, it just seemed to never stop.
As I was pulling one day I said,
“Geez, Quit Pullin’ at my Roots!”
My friend Kendra turned to me laughing and said “
Dang Girl, What’s God been talking to you about lately?!”
I literally had to stand up and pause for a moment because Kendra caught me off guard.
She had a point. There were things God wanted to bring up that reminded me of my past. Events that had happened, people that have impacted me, moments that I never have thought of/ thought were important until being on this race. Specifically those last couple days. And some of that can be HARD to talk about!
God has been pulling at my roots. I could not help but think of God looking at me like I had been looking at the development of this badminton court.
There is a canvas that is tough, patchy, imperfect, and has clear flaws and wounds. You think that there is going to be one layer that needs to be taken away and then it is all done! yay!
That’s just not true. It will always take mending, taking care of, more and more layers to pull up and refine.
There will be things that you don’t expect to find under there. Rocks, barbed wire, bugs that come out of no where, and even new layers of dirt!
Sometimes You will be on your hands and knees intimately taking out each weed that has been planted over time. But with each moment that is invested and worked on, there is refinement. THere is another step made in the bigger picture that is being casted. With that bigger picture comes growth and beauty.
God wants to be there to go through those layers with me for the rest of my life. and that is OK! I see now that is never going to be over! Thank goodness!
I pray for the dependency on Him as I enter this new season of the race as a Squad Leader, but I also look ahead to each day I have here on earth as another opportunity for Him to work in me. To continue to make me more and more beautiful through His handiwork on me. So I now can walk through conflict in confidence that He is Good, I can face the unknown knowing God’s plan is better, so that I may be able to turn to God rather than my own understanding each time and grow into greater relationship with Him each time. That the Master Storyteller may be able to continue to predestine my living and moments everyday.
To wait in anticipation on the root He is going to Pull at next.
1 PETER 5:10
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
Here are some pictures from here in NEPAL so far!
Team 26 Letter Redemption, Beth and I Keeping warm with our last minute winter gear and Nepal Tea!
New Zealand YWAM Team, 26 Letter Redemption, JBAE, Beth and I as we all serve alongside Reuben and his ministry here in NEPAL!
My dear friend/ fellow SQL Beth and I jumping for joy because lets get real….WE MADE IT TO NEPAL! and also because we were freezing our butts off and needed to keep moving to take this picture! So why not jump! So blessed to have this beauty in my life. (Photo By Beth Milam)
Teams marching into the orphanage here in Nepal. Half way done and coming along now that we are here to keep things moving onward and upward! We come packin’! HAHA!
I AM $4,812 from my FINAL DEADLINE!!!!!
FAMILY AND FRIENDS! I am currently 70% of the way funded, by March 1st I have to be 100% to stay on the mission field. I need $4,812 by March 1st to finish my World Race! Donate, read, share, email and repost the blog below to HELP ME STAY ON THE FIELD!!!!
If you could pass this around and we could get 100 people to donate $50 I would reach the deadline and that would be INCREDIBLE! I can not do this on my own!
I will be out in the mountains of Nepal helping build a school. We will be out there for the next week or 2! This will be my last time on internet until that point! PLease keep us in your prayers for our health as well!
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<3 Taylor Doreen Hill
