After a very good month in Cambodia, my team and I headed to Thailand. We arrived in Ratchaburi, Thailand on Monday to work with another organization, YWAM. Our hosts are an incredible couple and they went through the trouble of making us a calendar with all the different ministries we’ll be doing in our time here. It’s jam packed with different ministries and ways of loving on the people of Ratchaburi. It includes teaching at schools, working with churches, playing with local kids, running a live radio show, and prison ministry. It also includes visiting a juvenile detention center, but after seeing prison ministry on the list my mind skimmed over that. A couple of days later when I looked at the schedule and saw Juvenile Detention Center on the list for the day it was just another ministry and I didn’t think much about it, but as we were driving there I started to wonder what we were about to experience. I had never been to a prison or jail or a juvenile detention center and had no idea what to expect or how they would react towards us. Our host told us that they were between the ages of 11 and 22. 11 years old. He told us that most of them were in there because of stealing or drug possession/selling. To think about 11 year old little girls selling or doing drugs broke my heart and I began to feel a little anxious about what we were about to do.
There were around 30 girls in the group that we hung out with and they were all different ages. There were even two from Cambodia and one from Vietnam. We started out by introducing ourselves and telling them why we were there. We played games and sang songs and reenacted short skits for them. After about two hours of fun and just messing around my teammate, Liv, read them a story from the Bible and talked to them about forgiveness and how much Jesus loves us. She kept reminding them that we all have made mistakes, that He will always love us no matter what mistakes we have made, that nothing we could ever do would ever make Him love us any less. Afterward my team went to pray over them. I was in a small group of four girls and we held hands and I prayed. I asked if they had any special intentions or anything specific that they wanted me to pray over them. The first girl told me she wanted to be able to forget about all the hurt in her past and to not feel shameful of what she has done. The second girl asked me to pray for her family. The third asked me to pray that she felt loved and could be forgiven, and finally the last asked me to pray that God would start a fire in her heart for Him. It broke me. I saw so much of myself in their faces and in their stories. My mistakes have not been the same as their mistakes, but I know all too well the familiarity of shame and guilt and the feeling that I am not worthy. I remember how it feels to think I had gone too far; that there was no way of getting myself out of the hole this time. In this moment God spoke some truth over me. He said,
“Not anymore. You don’t feel this way anymore. Have I not told you time and time again how much I love you? How precious you are to Me? How much worth I see in you? Have I not shown you that just as there is nothing you can do to make Me love you more, there is nothing, NOTHING, you can do to make Me love you any less? My love for you is perfect and relentless. I have dug you out of your holes, no matter how deep, and I will dig you out of more. I have moved mountains for you. You are redeemed and I want you to proclaim that in My name. I have made you new and pure in MY image. You are my daughter, just as these girls are. You are my vessel, just as these girls are. Pray these truths over them.”
And so I did. Prior to this week I had been having a little bit of FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s difficult to leave your home. It’s weird to see your friends in college having fun and making new friends. It’s hard to not have American food all the time. It’s challenging trying to get to a place of intimacy and vulnerability with the 51 people you’re traveling with. But in that moment I knew this was exactly where I was supposed to be. I knew that all these hardships and struggles will have good come after. I know this is all for my growth and for the furthering of the Kingdom.
When it was time to go my team and I lined up in front of them and they all went down the line and gave us a hug. I was surprised to see many of them crying. When the girls I prayed for made their way to me I couldn’t hold back the emotions. I cried tears of happiness that they got to experience the Father’s love and I cried tears of sadness for how much they have been and will go through. As they were walking away two of them ran back to hug me for a second time and wipe the tears from my cheeks. We were only supposed to visit them that one time, but after seeing how much of a connection was made our host arranged for us to go back in December, and I can not wait. Please keep these precious girls in your prayers!
