My time in El Salvador is coming to an end and as a result I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting recently. This season has been one of the hardest, but it’s caused me to grow so much. I’m thankful for these hard places God has taken me. I doubted his intentions at first and was a little mad at him because I couldn’t see the many benefits he saw from his perspective. Now I see he really does have our best in mind, and only does what is the absolute best for us and will bring us the most joy ultimately.
Here I am stripped of so many comforts and surrounded by a team of people so different from me 24/7. Even when you’re “alone”, you’re not really alone. This is all so new and stretching and it’s caused me to grow. Growing although so good, kinda sucks and it hurts. Growing pains aren’t just physical. God has used these people and these situations to call some bad habits and bad tendencies out of me so that there is more room for the life that he has for me. It has honestly been really hard for me to not focus on these negative things people are calling out and feel so full of shame like a failure. It’s made me overwhelmed a lot and I’ve had lots of mini identity crisis’s because of it.
BUT God is such a good good father and has led me back to his truth every time. I stumble over to him in my weakness and fall down, only able to whisper help, and he is so quick to meet me there. He shows me his gentle love by reminding me of truth. The truth he says about me, and the truth about himself. That’s really all he does and it makes me cry. He has shown me so much grace and taught me to have it for myself because I am human. I will never be perfect but I will always be growing towards him because I am his sunflower.
A lot of times we over complicate God I think. We get so overwhelmed and so burdened by our failures, our flaws, our lives, and we feel so awful and so unworthy but God is so full of grace and actually doesn’t care that we are flawed because he made us that way. He’s simple. Simple gospel. He just loves. THAT SIMPLE. Anytime I’ve listened to him he says he just loves me and his love is the answer. The phrase “God is love” literally means God IS love.
This has brought me so much peace just knowing that he’s always here, holding me through this all. Knowing that his love is a gentle breeze flowing around soothing me when I need. Knowing that even when all I can see is the dark clouds that he’s still the sun shining brightly, sending his rays to me even though I can’t see him. Knowing that I am simply loved.
Ps I am 95% funded (Aka $11,939 of $12,491 is raised) WOOO thank you all so much for blessing God by blessing me. This means I still need to raise $552. Please please pray about supporting this journey im on!
