They don’t tell you that you can spend a year of your young adult life “serving the Lord” while in reality you are serving yourself.
You can go through each and everyday without saying one tiny word to Jesus if you really wanted to. You could go through the motions and pray out loud and over people and your heart could still be in the wrong place.
Let me tell you from experience, this is a scary place to be.
I’m on Month 7 of my race and I’m nowhere near the place I want to be in my relationship with the Lord. If I’m being really honest there have been weeks where I have just gone through the motions and played the part of a “good little racer.”
While being in this place, I have sometimes lost my sense of self. I have questioned why I am even on the race. I have found myself just wanting to fit in with my team. And then at times feeling rejected by my team. There have been times when I have depended on my team to affirm and reassure me and have only been let down. And what’s worse is I have let that shake me to my core on a few occasions.
To all humans out there: I beg you to fight for your relationship with Christ. Fight to make time for Him. Fight to just sit with Him in the middle of your day just to say hi and let Him soak into your pores. As I sit here begging you, I’m begging myself too.
I don’t want to waste this time. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to wake up each morning and do exactly what He wants me to, all across the world. I won’t ever again wake up in Thailand on Wednesday, March 16th, 2016. I want to live each day as if it’s my last. I want each breath that I breathe to bring His kingdom on Earth. I’m done trying to make this race and my life about me.
I’ve tried that, and it leaves you feeling pretty darn empty. I wouldn’t recommend it.
I wrote this blog in Thailand. I’m in a lot better of a place in my relationship with the Lord, but I wanted to share with you the hard parts of the race because most blogs won’t go to the dark places.
