As I continue to recap training camp, my mind is filled with endless thoughts and details. But the one that stands out simply is AUTHORITY. I always thought of myself as a women who listens to authority figures in my life…well, I could never have mis-marked myself more. Apparently, submitting to authority is not my thing!
Lets start with Ben. Good old Ben is where it all began. (Before I begin I would like to say that Ben is awesome and I thank him for everything he did and taught me through this experience…I truly have nothing bad to say about him , now…lol) To those of you who were not at training camp, Ben headed up all the activities and was a core part of our training.
OK, now that we have that squared away, from the moment I met Ben, I was not the biggest fan. He was totally in control and bossing us all around, would not let us in on what the activities consisted of before hand and was pretty much like a drill sergeant. (I now know that was all very necessary) I was determined not to do things the way he intended and I was biting my tongue at every world that escaped his mouth. Throughout camp I had the hardest time doing what the AIM staff was telling me to do, in fact I wanted so badly not to do anything they said. Sadly enough, this behavior carried over into my team environment. When my team leader asked me to share about our day of ministry, I replied with a stern, “No and I will not and you can’t make me.” (Sorry NIck) I wanted to stray from this control that was binding me so bad, but it was overtaking me, but I still did not put it together that it was an issue of authority.
Long story short, I arrived home and my brother hit me hard. All out of love, he gently said, “Taryn, you have an issue with authority and I see it in your relationship with Mom, Dad, AIM staff and others.” I was floored, but in a good way. I don’t want to be like that, I want to learn how to respect and be humble. I want to submit to authority and learn how to be a daughter and not an orphan, and further more learn how to be a daughter before I learn how to be a wife someday.
I am not going to pretend that I have this whole daughter spirit and orphan spirit thing down, but I am going to try and explain it a little. We either have a daughter/son “ship” heart or and orphan heart. We either know who we are and where we belong in Christ, or we don’t. It really is that simple. I am just beginning to learn who I truly am in Christ and what a true daughter is.
For this, I would like to say I am sorry and ask for forgiveness to many. Mostly, my parents, Mom and Day I am sorry for not being the daughter I should have been, for always bucking authority, being disrespectful, angry and doing things my way. To AIM staff, who are so diligently working to build an amazing generation of daughters and sons of the most high King and to my team for not responding in the way I should have. I vow a commitment to all of you that I am praying and working on releasing this orphan spirit in me. By the grace of God alone, I am learning how to become a daughter, to respect and submit to the authority in my life. I am not going to promise its going to happen over night, for that would be a lie. However, you have my word that I am committed to a life of being like Jesus and that is what I will strive fordo. I want to displace this orphan heart and have a daughters heart to the fullest extent.
I love you all and thank you all for being in my life.
