So….a few weeks back…meaning about a month ago, when we had our debrief from India, something amazing happened to me!
It all started with my team’s debrief with Michael and Kathy Hindes! I know that there was a lot on my side going on…a lot that I was trying to work on…and I have to admit, usually always working on a lot of that without God (Not a good idea)! Anyways, I had still been trying to cope with Lindsay Heston leaving. I became really close to Lindsay…I really trusted her, and I definitely love her dearly…and she loved me like a sister! She understood me…and I was missing that! It took me 5 mos. to build that kind of relationship with her…and then she had to go! So…I felt like someone who I really trusted and loved dearly was taken away from me! Also, she had been my leader for 5 mos. and I really respected her…she was a pretty awesome leader…and then to have someone else step in and take that place….it was almost too much! And then there is the baggage of my past life and all of the hurt from it….i never knew how much things from the past can effect me now…but it sure can! I was letting a lot of things rule my life…especially my past.
Well, after a lot of crying in debrief with my team…I ended up staying behind with Michael, Kathy, Jake, and my squad leaders (Kelly and Kyla). So…there we were…me and the leaders! A lot went on in that room during that hour or so! I’m not going to go into too many details…but I will tell you that I was delivered from so much that was still clinging on to me. I learned to forgive a lot of my past and things that happened to me…and the people involved! I have never cried so much in my life until that day. I never knew that I could cry like that! I don’t even know how to explain how it was…but it came from a place of deep hurt and bruising….it was more real than anything! And it felt good to get it out! It felt good to let it go! It felt good to learn to forgive!
I was exhausted from everything that just happened…I couldn’t even think anymore…and I didn’t want to! I just didn’t know what to do! To be honest, I didn’t really feel any freedom right away! It wasn’t until our last night with the Michael and Kathy and as a squad, that I started to feel!
We were there….just worshiping together as a squad like we always did when we get together…and I just became overwhelmed! I was sitting for the longest time…but then when I stood up to go pray over one of our teammates who was laid out in the spirit….I just couldn’t stay still! I just felt so light! And so beautiful! And so FREE! I couldn’t stop moving my feet! I just began floating all over the floor continuing to pray! And then I began to sing a long with Kim Walker! And I continued to move along that floor! It took me a while to realize that I had a huge smile on my face and that I was enjoying every moment I was spending with the Lord right there! I felt like the Lord had me in His arms and was twirling me around, and moving me along the dance floor with Him….HE WAS MY DANCE PARTNER! I loved it! And then I realized people were watching me…and smiling…and I couldn’t help but laugh and smile back and act giddy as can be! I WAS FREE! I HAD THE HOLY SPIRIT HIGHS! I WAS LOVED! I WAS A DANCING FOOL FOR JESUS…FOR LOVE!
In Kim Walker’s song, “He Loves Us”….the chorus part repeats over and over again these words;
“He loves us, oh, how He loves us!”
How beautiful is that?! He loves us! Oh…how He loves us! And He frees us….and He makes us DANCING FOOLS!
