So…I feel like I’ve been handling my going to the nations for 11 months and being completely changed very well so far…Well, today, at church I feel like I got a little more than I bargained for!
We were going through the first 5 verses of John, chapter 1, but it was hard to really focus on what was going on! You see, God has really been doing a number on me lately! I’ve been begging and pleading and asking God to really bless me financially, and He has, but I have been numb to what He really is doing in me and for me! HE IS PROVIDING FOR ME…IN EVERY WAY IMAGINABLE…HE HAS ALREADY GONE BEFORE ME AND TAKEN CARE OF IT ALL! You see…I was sitting in church and I really felt like God was say, “Hey Tangi, I love you…I’ve already confirmed to you that I’m going to provide what you need for this trip….I want you to follow me….you don’t have to continue to doubt me by continually asking me for your finances….I want you to go beyond that and spend time with me…..I want you to praise me for what I am doing…I want you to know me more….Come to me with EVERYTHING!” I sat there in church with all of these emotions bottling up inside of me when all I wanted to do was cry out to God….just me and Him….alone! I wanted to leave and cry and pray! But I stayed cool…I didn’t show too much! The church then laid hands on me to pray for my trip, and tears began to flow down my cheek….I quickly tried to hold back as many as I can….I didn’t want to break down! But God wants so much….I blocked that thought, too!
One girl that I met at church today started asking me about my trip…and I just started to talk….I guess I started to realize how much things were about to change and how I had prayed for that! I’ve been praying for God to change me, to prepare me, to use me…and He is confirming all of that! I realized that I am nervous, and excited, and scared, and ready, all at the same time! You see…God did confirm in me a long time ago that He was calling me to follow Him on this trip….and He did confirm in me that He was going to provide, but I still doubted what He can do, and if He was going to do it…and I began praying for support out of fear and doubt of not going….not because I wanted to praise Him for who He is and for what He has, can, and will do!
I’ve also been praying that God will use me and change me completely on this trip, and He has been confirming in me that He intends to do just that! My team leader, Lindsay, called me a couple of weeks ago and told me how she had just been talking to God and how God had been really showing her amazing things about each of her teammates, and how God was telling her that I was going to be a light for God, and that people are gonna want to hear what I have to say, that they will be drawn to me. He also told her that there were gonna be multiple times where I will be filled with the word and will preach it to the people! Well…I didn’t really tell her this, but God has been confirming in me that He plans to use me in this sort of way, when I least expect it….and honestly, that terrifies me completely! I am extremely scared to leave that part of my comfort zone and speak to 10’s, or 100’s, or 1,000’s of people about who God is! You see, I’ve always seen myself as more of a relation-building person…and as we get to know each other, I’ll tell you more and more about who God is(I am comfortable with the slower route). But I prayed that God would take me from my comfort zone and use me…and I believe He will in this kind of way!
Another thing is that…this is my first mission trip outside of the United States…and I will be gone for 11 months! I thought it wouldn’t bother me in any way….but I think I’m starting to realize how long that is and how different it’s gonna be! Although I’m nervous about this one, I’m still completely excited about it all! I am ready for this trip! I am ready to take the Gospel to the nations! And I am ready to be used by God!
Please pray for me as I am preparing to leave for the nations in less than 2 weeks…and I am saying my goodbyes to everyone! And please join me in praising God for who He is, and for what He has, can, and will do!
