Less than 5 months to go in the race and the question rises with in me. “Have I done andam I doing what I came for?” “Am I fulfilling my purpose?” I want to change the world for the better and see lives changed and people healed. I want to make lives better and empower others to empower their loved ones and so on.
I am teaching, doing, loving, hugging, giving and sacrificing in every way I know how until it hurts. It still doesn’t seem to be enough. The burden is too great for me. I will never be enough for the world. Helpless. Then a reminder comes that it is in my weakness that He becomes stronger in me (IICor. 12:9). It is only when I spend time reading the life instruction manual (the Bible), that I remember why I am here, the burdens become lighter. It says to die to self and what and focus on what He wants then fulfillment will come. The heart of the Father is the first commandment. LOVE! God is Love and the more I know Him the more I can fulfill my purpose.
Our month in Swaziland was incredible and a great teacher. At one of the care points I met a little life changer. His name is Timbalahe, which means, Great Hope. He met us at the van on the first day we arrived. His hands anxiously ran across the door awaiting our emergence. He had no idea who we were or why exactly we were there, just excited that we were. We greeted all of the children complete with runny noses, soiled and ripped clothes, which they wear everyday for months on end. They walk miles to simply get fed and learn some life lessons. The children are brilliant. Their glow far outshines their physical condition. Among all of them, there was one child stood out, little Timbalahe. At about seven years old he does everything the other children do. They walk miles in hilly dirt, carry water, learn hard lessons and try staying away from the many dangers of getting pushed into open fires and avoiding rabid dogs. However, he does it all completely blind.
I found him all alone in a corner holding a deflated old dirty soccer ball. I introduced myself even though it was not in his native Saswati tongue. I gently replaced his ball with the brand new one we had in the van. His face lit up…
Over some time, we learned how to play together. We bonded so quickly that people commented, “You know he’s blind, right?” as if to say, “You are wasting your time on that one” He is treated as if his life is useless here. However, by the grace of God, I was shown the perfectly normal boy within. I wish I could capture for you the way he lit up and giggled with delight as he tossed and received the new soccer ball. I gave him tons of hugs and verbal affirmations. His courage and inner light brought tears to my eyes and nourished my soul.
On the surface, a little boy had fun playing ball. But on a deeper level, I showered love on the unloved. I internally died to the thought of entertaining myself with a child who could be easier to work with and invested in a greater cause, Love. Hopefully that love encouraged others to reach outside themselves and think of the ones that are hard to love as loveable.
I am slowly but surely learning to stop thinking of myself first and painfully putting others feelings before mine and finally I fulfill not only my, but His purpose.
