Guys, I made it.
8-Month Debrief is a mile marker for a World Racer. It means I’ve survived 8 months in 3rd World countries. It means I can go for 4 days without a shower without batting an eye. It means I’ve hit 3 different continents and seen some of the most beautiful people in the world. It means the Lord has wrecked my world for the better, and I want more of it.
It was such a joy, such a relief to walk into the Milimani Backpacker’s Hostel in Nairobi and see the shining faces of my squad-mates. We’ve grown to be one huge, crazy family over the last 11 months since we were wide-eyed, frightened little babies at training camp last July. We snuggled, we shared our hearts and dreams, we danced, we watched movies, we shopped the markets, we played Dutch Blitz for hours on end, we laughed until we cried. It was glorious.
But, if I’m being honest, I came into Debrief with a sour attitude. Thrrreeeee morrrre monnnnnths?? How the heck am I going to do this? I’m tired. Physically, yes, but more than anything, emotionally and spiritually. I miss home. I miss my mom and dad. I miss pizza.
I sat in our first few debrief sessions in a kind of state of numbness. People were worshipping, jumping around, experiencing healing and refreshment. All I could do was sit quietly and pray, “God, I’m desperate for you. I need you. Please come fill me up. I can’t do this.”
And He answered. Duh. As if He wouldn’t. But it was in His timing, and not mine.
The third night of debrief, we had the breakthrough. We were worshipping and singing this song a cappella, that goes, “You are more than what they say. You are good. You are God. You are more than what they say.” And then we were asked to sing our own words to replace the “You are more than what they say” part. And we were silent for a while, but then my heart started beating super fast, and I knew the Lord wanted me to sing. So I sang all by myself, “You are more than all I need.” It was scary as heck, and it wasn’t my best singing, but I just knew the Lord was proud of me.
As the session was about to start, and the Lord put something else on my heart, a vision. I don’t get visions often, but my heart starting beating fast again, and I knew He wanted me to share it. When we were singing the song earlier, my squad-mate, Brandon, had sung about how we are caged birds who have been set free. And in my mind, the Lord showed me a bird trying to fly out of an open cage, but when it stepped off, it just fell to the ground, because the bird was carrying a weight on its back. So I stood up in front of the squad, my team leaders, and the AIM staff, and I shared what the Lord had given me. I talked about how God doesn’t just want us to trudge through the next 3 months, He wants us to fly. But, we can’t fly if we’re weighed down by any burden. He wants us to push those burdens off our shoulders, whatever they may be, and step off the edge totally free and light as a feather. I needed to let go of my burdens of exhaustion and missing home. It was amazing the boldness the Lord filled me with that night.
As if that wasn’t enough, the Lord really shifted my entire perspective that night. He showed me that I have a choice about what the next 3 months will be. I can choose joy or I can choose to trudge through. I can choose to live by my flesh and my feelings or I can choose to live as the woman of God that the Lord calls me to be. And it’s more than living as a woman of God for the next 3 months, it’s about living as a woman of God for the rest of my life. There will be challenges, there will be ups and downs even in the States. But I must still choose to live a life that honors my Father.
God brought me to Proverbs 31, “The Woman Who Fears the Lord.” It’s the passage that has been drilled into my head ever since I can remember. But I needed a refresher. So I prayed into it, into the woman I want to be, a woman to God who is more precious that jewels. And it was really beautiful, truly life-giving.
“God, I pray you’re making me into an excellent wife. May my future husband trust me fully. May I do him good all the days of my life.
May the work of my hands be glorifying unto You.
May I be wise with the money you bless me with.
May I be strong because You make me strong.
May I be generous to others and care for those who are poor, broken, or hurting.
May I never fear the future, but trust in You fully.
May I dress and present myself in a way that is honoring to You, God.
May strength and dignity be what characterize me.
May I always be full of joy and laughter.
May the words of my mouth be wise; may they be from You.
May I teach others of Your love, and may kindness exude from my words and actions.
May I always take care of my future husband and children.
May I never be lazy.
May my children learn from my example and become strong servants of the King. May they be blessed by me, and may I love them the way You call me to.
May I bless my future husband, and may he praise me.
May I not put my efforts into outward beauty, but may I fear the Lord all the days of my life, knowing my worth is in Him alone.
May all that I do be for the glory of Your Name, Father.”
**We made it to Uganda safely! More info to come on what we’ll be doing this month! Thank you for your support and your prayers J
