My time in Thailand was too short.
We were barely there three weeks, but God truly used it as a season of blessing in my life. After three amazing, beautiful, and full, but challenging months in Central America, God exceeded my (too low) expectations of my time in this new, far-away continent. I was scared. The language was unfamiliar, the culture was so intimidatingly foreign to me, but He showed me that this Race is not only about being uncomfortable and being a challenge. God blessed me with a wonderful new team of women. He blessed me with a bed, a hot shower, air-conditioning. He blessed me with an amazing ministry contact, Mae, who I pray will be a life-long friend. He blessed me with sweet friendships with the Thai students. And He blessed me with an incredible two-day visit from Will!
But all of a sudden, we were leaving. Hello, Cambodia?
I was not even sure what language they speak here or where this country was in relation to Thailand. But once again, blessings. It’s time for our squad’s 4-month debrief. During debrief, we are put up in a swanky (well, by World Race standards) hotel, and Adventures in Missions staff are flown in to give us a time of refreshment, relaxation, and rejuvenation. We have been attending sessions where truth and encouragement have been spoken over us that were much needed.
God used this time to speak into my heart things that needed to be spoken. I was encouraged, but more importantly, challenged and called UP. I thought that maybe I was done being broken, at least for a little while. But, don’t you remember, Sydney? You’re a process. You’re never going to be done being molded this side of Heaven. God is never going to finish revealing the mysteries of His love to you. So here’s a little glimpse of my heart, a few excerpts from my prayer journal that I want to share so you can be a part of what God is stirring up and breaking apart in my spirit…
“Father, thank You for a day to rest. Thank you for what You’re teaching me. God, I need to see others through YOUR eyes. Help me, Lord. I cannot love them out of my own strength! May I always keep in mind that they are your creation, perfect and beautiful, and how dare I pass judgment on them or put them down?
May I always speak out of a place of LOVE.
‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue.’ –Proverbs 18:21. May I be so filled with the Spirit of self-control that my tongue brings only LIFE, never death.
May I always consider the grace and forgiveness You offer me when I offer grace and forgiveness to others. May I remember how You’ve loved me through my stuff, and may I do the same for others. I am no one to pass judgment, and I don’t want to do it anymore. Give me NEW EYES, Father.
May I have high honor, valuing others going further over myself going further in life. I want to love as You love, unconditionally. May I say “Amen” to people where they are, just as You have said “Amen” to me through my whole process.
May I not bring judgment on myself, but know my identity and value it.
May I respond, make a choice to LOVE, rather than react in challenging situations.
‘For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building… Let each one take care how he builds upon it… each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.’ -1 Corinthians 3:9-13. May I remember that we are all God’s building; may I commit myself to building up the building instead of tearing it down.
God, You are allowing me to walk through fire. It is painful at times, but You are testing me and burning up the things that will not last, the things that are not of You: my selfishness, my sense of entitlement, my careless tongue, my passing judgment, my pride, my bitterness.
May I remember that You’re making me more like you. That’s what I want. I want to come out looking different. Better. More like You. Full of LOVE. Full of compassion for all peoples.
Why is it so easy to love the half-clothed child on the street, yet so difficult for me to love my neighbor, God?
May I not destroy Your temple, God. Not in me, not in anyone. Instead of having a spirit of comparison, could I have a spirit of BLESSING toward other people and their unique gifts?
I don’t want to leave behind a legacy of judgment, bitterness, unforgiveness, unlove.
May I see others as equal royalty, all sitting on thrones in Heaven, together.
May I be overwhelmed by the Spirit of patience, grace, and forgiveness.
Thank You, Lord, for where You are taking me, into a deeper place with You, deeper into Your heart. How I love you, Abba, Father.”
Thank you for taking time to know my heart. Thank you to you all for being of my journey. I hope maybe you’ll find encouragement in what the Lord has been revealing to me.
We start our ministry in Cambodia on Sunday. We are working at a university again this month, teaching English. More details to come soon!
