It’s month three.
There’s 2 different ways you can read that statement. It can be like, “Is it really only month three? I feel like I’ve been away from home forever.” Or it’s “How is it already month three? Wasn’t it just a few weeks ago that we were getting on a plane and saying our goodbyes?”
So which one is it for me?
Truthfully, I don’t know. Sometimes month one seems like a lifetime ago. I can look back at pictures of my team, and I don’t even recognize us. Mainly because the men have much longer beards now, and all of our clothes were looking much nicer than the dirt-stained, sweaty, torn messes they have now become. Other times, it seems like just 2 weeks ago I was graduating, and spending my summer days in Athens. Can it really already be Thanksgiving time?
The reality of the race is setting in. It’s month three, and there are several things I really miss. I miss washer and dryers – my clothes miss them too. I’ve washed more dishes by hand in the past 3 months than I have in the past 5 years. So I miss dishwashers. (Also, liquid dish soap – who knew that was an American thing?) I miss hot showers, I miss having privacy when using the bathroom. I miss my sisters, my boyfriend, my parents, my friends. I miss my TV shows (Big Bang, Modern Family, Grey’s Anatomy, Young & The Restless, etc… Yes, I’m a TV junkie). I miss “normalcy.” I miss that consistency that life in the States held for me. For example, I’m leaving Nicaragua in a week and still don’t know where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing next month. The funny part is, I’m okay with that.
It’s month three, and life on the race is starting to be the new normal. A young boy walks up to your house in the morning and asks if you’ve seen his horse? Normal. A guy walks up behind you in the backyard (even though you’re pretty sure the whole area is fenced in) and offers you a sharpened machete to help cut down the weeds you’ve been hacking away at for days? Normal. You watch as a herd of cows pass the church while you’re giving your testimony to a group of people who can’t understand anything you’re saying? Normal. Your teammate brings Coca-Cola and Chiky cookies to team time and it automatically becomes the highlight of your week? Normal.
One of my teammates and I were talking about when she first heard about the race. She was telling me about how her best friend had signed up for it, and I asked her how she felt about it when she first heard that he was doing it. She explained that she thought it was an awesome opportunity, and she remembers looking at his pictures and saying things like, “Oh my gosh, look at all those babies! Oh my gosh, look at that view with the ocean and the volcano! Oh my gosh, look at all those cool places he gets to go to!” We laughed… loudly… because we realized, this is our life.
Sometimes, this journey – this life– it’s overwhelming. I guess I knew that coming into it. The only way that I was able to get myself on the plane to month one was by telling myself, “It’s only a mission trip to Panama. That’s all – just a little bitty mission trip. Just Panama.” Then at the end of Panama it was, “Okay, now I get to go on a little mission trip to Costa Rica.” At the end of that month, “Okay, now Nicaragua.” Well that mindset isn’t really working anymore. It’s becoming harder and harder to ignore the fact that this is not a little mission trip. This is not just a month by month experience. This is a long, hard, life-changing kingdom journey.
And I’m starting to feel the weight of that. They said that this one year would be equivalent to 3 years of spiritual growth. I feel that, too. God has been teaching me so much in these three months. About abandonment, pride, jealousy. And I wouldn’t trade all that God is giving me for anything. I wouldn’t trade it for a dishwasher, I wouldn’t trade it for consistency, I wouldn’t even trade it for the chance to see my family and boyfriend again. As much as I miss home, and as much as that hurts from time to time, I’m not ready to go home. I’m ready for more. I’m ready for more moments of laughing, praying, crying, and doing ministry with my team. I’m ready for more of this race.
So maybe, there’s not just two ways of saying, “It’s month three.” Maybe the way it’s meant to be viewed is, “I’m so thankful that it’s only month three, and that I have so much more time! More time to learn the lessons God has for me, more time to discover the plans God has for me. More time for God – and all that He has for me.” Because that’s what I want out of this journey and out of life – more of God. Because really, where is home anyway?
Philippians 3:20 – “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there”
Update: I have found out that next month will be “Manistry Month” For iSquad. It’s a month where all of the men get to stay together and do ministry together as one team. So what does this mean for my team since half of them are men? B. Neal, Christina, and I will be partnering up with the ladies of Team Warrior. So although we’re excited to be back with part of Warrior, be praying for us as our teams get divided and joins forces with new teams and new dynamics.
