I remember about a year and a half ago when I reached a point of brokenness. I was at small group, and Katherine asked someone to play “How He Loves” by David Crowder. I remember closing my eyes and tears streaming down my face when the lyrics “Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree. Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy” played. I remember feeling like it was all a lie. His love wasn’t that strong. Did His love even exist? Where was this hurricane like love that I was supposed to be bending beneath?
Now, I realize that God’s love looks differently to everyone. It comes in many different forms. And sometimes, His love hurts. Years ago, because He loves me, He took away everything I thought was true about my life and taught me that the only life worth having is the one where He is the most important piece of it. This month, because He loves me, he pushed me to the edge of my comfort zone (granted, only for 5 days) to teach me that my joy shouldn’t be conditional to my circumstances, but should be cemented in Him alone. But sometimes, God’s love is comforting. This week, God showed me love through spoiling me.
This past week was busy. It was great, but busy! I was tired every day, but feeling so satisfied and full. It was the first week that ministry really began to wear on me. It felt like we were constantly on the go, and there was no routine. Each day, each hour looked different, and there was really no way of knowing what to expect. It just felt like we were constantly moving from one ministry to the next. The week ended with YWAM letting us run a 24 hour VBS for this ministry they have called King’s Kids. All the local kids (which right now mainly consist of the kids of the staff members here) came on Friday, spent the night, did outreach with us on Saturday morning, and then we wrapped up with typical VBS type things on Saturday afternoon.
It went really well, but by the end of it we were drained. Thankfully, Sunday was our tourism day. And guys, God always knows how to reach you and meet you where you’re at. I wanted to stay home (as in on base) all day and just relax. But our contact was offering to drive us back to Boquete for a few hours. Someone mentioned pizza, and that was enough to convince me to go. We started the day at our team’s new favorite coffee place in Boquete, Kotowa. This location is on top of a mountain that overlooks Boquete and the river that runs through the city. While admiring this view, I sipped on a peanut butter and chocolate frappucino. It sounds crazy, but through this “bad for your body deliciousness”, I felt God whisper, “My daughter, I love you.” Then in the van my squad mates, one of the squad leaders, and I had a really good conversation about what God wants out of our lives, and I heard it again. “My daughter, I love you.”
Later in the afternoon we went to this pizza place. After spending the previous day feeling homesick for the first time since arriving, and really missing some Georgia football, we walked into the pizza place and American Football was on TV. (Not exaggerating, my heart skipped a beat. I got so excited, even if it was NFL football.) The pizza was incredible and again I heard, “My daughter, I love you.”
I know it sounds silly, and maybe you don’t agree that God shows His love in this way. But I believe that God created us, and knows what makes our hearts full. He knows what we want, and what makes us happy. I felt His love yesterday through our contact’s willingness to drive us around again for the day. Through the view He created when He made Boquete. Through a touristy pizza place that was playing football on TV.
Since realizing that sometimes God shows His love in unique ways, I’ve felt it everywhere. I felt it when watching the leaves move in the trees while swinging in my hammock this morning. I felt it when the wind lifted my hair after a walk to the store today. I felt it when I got in the shower this evening and there was hot water.
His love has always been there. Powerful and mighty like a hurricane. You just have to choose to see it. You have to choose to bend beneath the weight of it.
