For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses … Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
– Hebrews 4:15-16 (ESV)
Things have been hard lately. See, I’m a worrier. Most of the people around me know that. So when I first got accepted to the World Race, many people would ask, “Aren’t you worried about safety? Aren’t you worried about leaving your family? Aren’t you worried about how hard it’ll be to readjust after this? Aren’t you worried about ______?” For the longest time, my answer was “No! I’m not worried at all. I know God has called me to do this, so who am I to worry about something God has been planning since before I was born?”
Truthfully, I thought I’d conquered most of my worrying tendencies. Looking back, I think maybe I just didn’t have time to worry because I was so wrapped up in school. Because since I’ve graduated, I feel like the “worrying” is slowly starting to consume me.
I worry about everything now. About safety, having my stuff stolen, losing my debit card, not packing enough, packing too much, how to plan my budget, how to be present, how to find quality time with all my loved ones before leaving, the pain of saying goodbye, the pain of missing home, the pain of missing the race once I am home…. I’m worried about all of it!
And then I get frustrated with myself for worrying. I’m hard on myself and question, “where’s the faith you had when you first signed up for this?” I start to doubt myself. I start to feel weak… like I’m not strong enough to do this. My frustration leads me to tears. Which reiterates my feeling of weakness. And then I start to worry about being weak! and well… you see the cycle that’s forming.
But when I did my quiet time this morning with the She Reads Truth’s plan that is currently going through Hebrews, I found exactly what I needed to hear. That our God is a God who can sympathize with our weaknesses. As Hebrews 5:7 says, “In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears” and verse 8, “Although he was a son, he learned obedience through what he suffered.” Even Jesus cried. He knows what I’m going through, and He sympathizes with me.
“Jesus knows the battle you’re fighting. He doesn’t just know you’re fighting it; He knows it because He’s fought it, too. He fought it before you and for you. And HE is the very one who sits at the Throne of Grace, ready to receive you and me… You can come to Him as your full self today – not your half self, your filtered and edited self, not the cleaned up version you want the outside world to see. You may think you have to be someone else for them, but with Jesus you only have to be you. … Your tears are welcome at the Throne of Grace. Your questions and hopes and hurts are welcome before your King. It is not the throne of condemnation and He is not your merciless dictator. Jesus is your advocate, your Brother – and He sits ready to receive you even now. Go.”
– Amanda Williams (written for Shereadstruth.com)
So maybe I don’t have to have it all together. Maybe it’s okay that I’ll probably cry every day between now and the day I leave. Because I’m not alone in this. And my weaknesses don’t mean I’m not equipped for this. (Hebrews 13:20-21) And God is fighting, and has fought, the same battles I’m facing now.
Updates:
- I’ve officially hit my deadline to launch! YAY!! Thank you to ALL of my supporters! This means I’m guaranteed to be on the field through November. By December 1st, I need $11,000 in my account to continue the race! But like I’ve said, I’d love to have that deadline knocked out before I leave – which is in 26 days. (woah!)
- My yard sale was a HUGE success! So thank you to everyone who donated, came by, and prayed over it. Not only did the rain hold off, but I made over $400! So thank you, thank you, thank you!
- I will be having a percentage night at Johnny’s Pizza in Loganville on August 26th! So PLEASE come by between 5pm and 9pm, order some (a lot) of food, and mention my world race.
- If you feel led to pray for me as I conquer these worries and fears that have developed, please do! 🙂 I know they aren’t from the Lord, so I know the Lord can deliver me from them.
