What's fair? What's mine? What do I have dibs on and rights to? Nothing. Nothing. And… nothing. Not in this community. And not really in life. Let me break down some world race-isms for you as a reading spectator to understand my life and what we talk about on the race.
Abundance mentality – living as though you have an abundance to give away, (even giving it away, letting another have it, and being okay with not having it), knowing God will provide what you need
Preference – putting others before you
Cookies. It all started with cookies. Well, I'll really go back to the beginning… it started with Haiti. When 45 people all line up to eat after a day of construction and hard work in the hot sun, it's as if oxen are running to the watering hole after working the fields all day. And with tasty morsels such as meat as rare treats, there has to be enough left by those at the beginning of the line to make sure that those at the end of the line get their share as well.
Problem #1: We all wanted some. Peanut butter for bread in the mornings. French fries with our American hot dogs. I wanted it all just as much as the next person. But let me confess something… I hardly even eat these things at home in America! But here on the race, you eat whatever you can get your grubby hands on and you enjoy every bite. (Now don't read too much into this. I'm not saying we're starving, though Haiti sometimes felt like we came the closest.) I'm just saying when 45 people have to share food and we all feel like we are entitled to what has been cooked for us, we are not all the most joyful to share, especially since it means less for us.
Problem #2: We didn't always get some. Even though the expectations were clear, the obedience to them was not always respected. It was not a shock when someone at the end of the line got no meat left in their Haitian sauce or the corn ran out before they even saw it was an option. It was disappointing, but sadly expected. And if someone came out of the kitchen carrying a plate of french fries… watch out for the stampede!
On to how this effected me in Romania, the next country after Haiti. There were 12 of us in a house, with our own kitchen and ability to shop for ourselves and plan our own meals. We could also buy snacks galore and sodas. Things we did not have the options of in Haiti since we never left the base. Living in Haiti, I knew I was entitled to nothing (even wrote a blog about it). Life is about sharing, giving, and not expecting anything to truly ever be mine. A community mentality to share the things we have and prefer others (read the glossary of terms at the beginning if you are unsure of what this means). So if I bought myself a bag of gummy bears (Haribo, my fave, just in case you were wondering) and kept them in my room away from anyone who could ask if they could have one, is that wrong? If I put something downstairs in the kitchen and someone took the liberty of having some if my name was not on it, is that my fault since it's assumed to be community food? Why do I have to put my name on it anyway? Should we just stick to the rule “if you didn't buy it, it's not yours?” If I kept it in my room since I knew people would eat it if left in a common area, is that wrong? Really, if I don't want to share, is that wrong? Then I'm reminded, Jesus shared. People never went hungry and their needs were always met. It's a shame I don't always think like that. So, that begs the question… if I share, is it also okay to keep some stored up for myself?
Now, on to present day Mozambique. Cookies. Here's where I explain how they fit into the equation. Our super tiny market store in Guija, which was pretty close to the bush of Africa, had cookies. Romany cookies (delish) and at first buy, we counted there to be 2 per person. So enjoy your 2, they're a gift. But what happens when some people don't want them at that time? Is it okay to save them and store them up so they have the flexibility to eat them whenever the snacky-feeling struck? What if someone really does want them while another person doesn't? If we know we're buying more, can they just eat the other person's allotment? I know these things may sound ridiculous when we're home enjoying our fancy life, but on the race, these are the little issues that come up… that bring out character issues.
Here's something… the cookies were a gift. A special treat. Not something we expected or were entitled to. Not really ours. So why would we care when we didn't get all of what wasn't really ours to begin with? Why do we think that b/c we have it, we consider it “ours”? We all knew we weren't going to run out of cookies. We could go buy more (this month). But we were allotted our two and they were ours. Mine. Entitlement.
Here's what God is showing me… EVERYTHING IS REALLY HIS! I know some of you are shaking your heads and thinking, “You really just got that?” because you have lived with this truth and mentality for years now. Others of you are disagreeing and calling everything in your life yours because you worked for it and you bought it with your own money from the job that you got and work hard at and because your claim and your name is on it. Wrong. It's all God's.
But He lets us use His things. Consume His things. Borrow His things. Partake in His good gifts. Do I really think He won't provide for me? Meet my needs? And should I really even have or consume all the things that I do, just because I can? I am reminded that He is a loving Father who has given me everything that I have. But not for my possession… just to use while here on this earth, for His purpose. I am here, on the race, in Mozambique BECAUSE so many of YOU gave the financial fruit of your labor to bring me here. God gifted to me through you. Thank you. Numerous items of mine are on loan for this year BECAUSE some of YOU let me borrow the gifts that God blessed you with. God gifted to me through you. Thank you. So I know it. I see the fruit of abundance mentality in my own life, yet struggle to have it myself. I want things, for myself, and to call them mine. But they are not mine. The root of my struggle for “my things” is that I don't always see things as God's first.
“From Him and through Him and to Him be all things. To God be the glory forever.”
From Him, I have the blessings, the gifts, that I have. Literacy. An able body and intelligent mind. Clothes. A home. Family. Love. Provision. Food. Transportation. And so much more.
Through Him, He shows me how to use these things to show His presence and love for the world around. Through Him, He allows me to enjoy the things that He's given me.
To Him, the thanks that He's gifted me to begin with. The joy that I have in sharing and using what He's put on this earth in my life for enjoyment and use.
Here's my team as we set out to give good gifts away. May this reminder be ever present on my heart as I lived it and experienced what it means to not only prefer others, but give the good gifts God's given away to others.
Nothing is mine. Not my family or friends. Not my car back at home. Not the food I buy at the grocery store. Not the clothes I wear here or at home. Everything and everyone are on loan to me while I'm here on this earth to use and to bless for His glory. Even when nothing “glorious” comes of it, the recognition of Him as a Father who has given me the good gift is glory enough for Him. I am struggling and I don't expect the struggle to be mastered simply because I think I get it now. But I have the knowledge, reminder, and nudges from Him to put me in my place when I get a little possessive over the things that are “mine”. Just an honest look into my dealings…
