Jumping Headfirst: My Journey from Fearful to Fearless

A few months into The Race, I remember one of my teammates asking me what I was afraid of. And when I answered her with “I don’t have any fears,” she became insistent, that I had to be afraid of something. 

And I remember that whole exchange really bothering me. Like really annoying and irritating me, even to this day.

And here’s why:

I don’t want to be defined by something I’m afraid of.

I don’t want to give that thing I’m afraid of a second thought or even a moment of my time. I’m not going to even entertain that thought for a second.

You see, I’ve done that whole fear thing and it’s not worth it.

When you’re afraid of something, that fear isn’t just a temporary thing. If you give that fearful thought even a second glance, it will latch on and take over your life. 

Fear is crippling. It’s paralyzing. Fear steals your joy.

I did that whole fear thing and I am done. Now that I’ve experienced the freedom God offers us, not only from our sin and shame but even from our fears, there’s no way in hell I’m ever going back.

Before The World Race, my biggest fear was that people would always leave. (This fear began when my mom passed away from a rare heart condition when I was 9, and was fed when some key people chose not to stick around in my life after that.) I had this great fear that I wasn’t worth anyone sticking around for. That no one would ever stay. That I had to be the kind of person that people wouldn’t want to leave. And let me tell you what, listening to those fears was absolutely crippling.

God had been faithfully working out healing in my life in the months before The Race, using my brokenness and an amazing counselor and his word, but it wasn’t until May 2013 at Training Camp that it all came to a head.

At Training Camp, Jesus gave me the most incredible dream, and I saw his face! And he brought healing over me.  (I know this sounds crazy, but keep reading!)

 

In my dream, Jesus told me this,

 

 

When that happens, I want you look to me for the love and value and acceptance you so desperately desire. You don’t have to strive anymore or even at all to receive my love- you already have it- you are already accepted and loved and wanted and desired- I gave my life- I gave everything to hold you- so that we would never be apart- so that you would never be alone.”

 

(Read the rest here: http://susannahbretz.theworldrace.org/mobile/?filename=come-to-me-im-all-you-need-video) 

 

 

 

This path of healing has been a long journey (and I wouldn’t be anywhere if it weren’t for his abundant grace and the support of my incredible friends who faithfully spoke truth into my life), but I’m finally on the other side.

 

And when I say I do not have any fears, it’s not that I don’t have fearful thoughts anymore.

What it means is just that I choose every day to not let that fearful thought run the show. It’s a conscious decision every day, and even from moment to moment, to be intentional about what thoughts I’m letting run through my mind.

So let me ask you this-

What is your fear? 

Are you going to let it keep running your life or are you going to give the final word in our life to the only One who deserves it? 

What is keeping you from being done with that fear, once and for all? What action do you need to take to be done with it? 

 

(Example: I, like many of us, worry about money from time to time. If I was to let that fear run the show, I would hold onto my every last dime. But instead, I could choose to do something crazy like…say tithe and say, “God, I trust you. I trust that you are my Father and that you are faithful and you are my provider and that you will take care of me.” Stepping out in faith kills fears!)

God didn’t create us to live a life paralyzed by fear. He created us to live a life that is full and abundant and full of freedom. 

 

“God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. (2 Timothy 1:7)

 

So don’t settle for being afraid. 

Be the opposite of afraid.

Be fearless.