I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
At least, many times on this trip I feel like one.
I go to worship times and feel like my relationship with my Father is strong and unbreakable. I feel whole and loved… And then I watch people in worship and struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I see others in their own little world worshipping God and doing so in a way I can’t imagine myself doing and I hunger for the relationship it seems they have… And I feel like an imposter like I am just going through the motions. Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
But then, I sing a verse of a song and feel that goosebump-raising presence. And I know that my struggle is actually with listening to the right voice. The one that says He loves me and is showing me that more every day (especially on this trip and here in South Africa). The one that calls me daughter. And that the voice that’s telling me I’m going through the motions is lying.
God talks to us all in different ways. Just because the way I worship is not just like so-and-so’s does not make it any less real or less important. And I need to stop comparing myself to anyone because the only one that matters is Him.
He sent me out into this world to worship and glorify Him, knowing exactly how I would do that and wanting nothing less. He sent me out as a wolf in sheep’s clothing and into the enemy’s camp knowing I would struggle with remembering this:
I am a wolf;
I am just His wolf, searching for His lost sheep.
