Vulnerability.
This first week "on the field" was spent discussing and learning about vulnerability. Can we be vulnerable with our squad? Our team? Will we let them in so that they can show us love better over the next year? Will we truly open ourselves up so that God can use our story, whatever it is, however painful/shameful/regret-laden it is to us, to reach others?
I've spent the week listening to my team and squad mates open up. Share deep secrets that they've never told anyone before and I found myself casting about for my own dark story. I prayed for God to remind me of my past sins, the ones that were horrible and unforgivable and shameful. And the truth is I came up empty. Not because I don't have sins. Not that I am blameless in ANY way, but because I was asking God for something He couldn't provide.
Now you might be thinking, "Wait a second… He what? God can do anything." And I agree; He can do anything and everything. However, in Hebrews 8:12, He makes this promise "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Which means when I was asking Him to remind me, I was also asking Him to remember something He had already forgotten.
That's right. When I asked God to forgive my many sins, in fact, every time I ask God to forgive my sins, He does and then He FORGETS.
Hear me again:
He,
the God Most High,
our Father in Heaven,
the One who loves us most and unconditionally,
forgets.
F-O-R-G-E-T-S.
Websters' definition for forget: "Dismiss from the mind; stop remembering." No wonder God couldn't remind me of what He Himself has forgotten. How crazy was I for even asking Him to remember? Forgiving and remembering is a human condition alone. God has promised us otherwise.
The balance I need to find is not what sins are the most memorable, but in the circumstances I am placed in, what portions and stories (sins or otherwise) from my life can help reach those around me? It is not that I need God to remind me of my indiscretions; I need to remember them on my own to further His kingdom.
Do you need to remember that when you confessed your sins, He forgave and forgot? If so take solace in that thought now. This isn't something that is true just for me. It applies to you, too. Now and until next time.
Hobey-Ho!! Let the adventure continue!
