One of the questions I have been getting asked the most: Why go on this mission trip? You have a good job at a place you enjoy working. You are involved in a lot of different things in school and in church. You've built this life around this plan you'd made. Speaking of, you like a good plan and this trip isn't so forthcoming with definite plans. Why go?
Don't get me wrong. Even people that ask this question are supportive. They are just asking "WHY". I've always been the girl with the plan. The one who could answer the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" without giving it some thought first… And let me tell you, the truth is my answer never included traveling around the world as a missionary. It was simple actually: College. Graduate with a degree in teaching. Teach in inner-city Chicago Houston. Get my Master's. Teach in a D.O.D. school overseas. Become administrator. See? Simple.
But here's another truth:
I had graduated college and was teaching in Houston. I was very involved in a church down here; things were going pretty smoothly. My plan seemed to be working. Until I hit a point at church where I realized I was too busy helping others be spiritually fed to get fed myself and I was burnt out…
And then, instead of stepping back and taking care of my own spiritual welfare,
Completely.
I walked away from the church I was in.
I walked away from almost all the people there.
I walked away from being at all involved in any church-related activity.
I walked away from God.
If I'm honest, I also started being a little more homesick. A little more unhappy. A little more discontented. Family and good friends started to worry more. They asked more and more about whether I was in church or praying. At some point, it became easier to start praying again than to admit to Mom I still wasn't.
Praying slowly lead to volunteering. Volunteering lead to seeking and seeking to finding a church home. Still, something wasn't clicking quite right. I still felt like I was going through the motions. I was still following my plan, and was still lost. It was around this time that I was lead to the World Race.
And it was here that the best part of walking away from God became clear. And, ironically, it is something I have always known and said, but still needed to be reminded of:
DOES NOT mean
He ever walked away from me.
You see, it was okay for me to follow my plan as long as I stayed where He needed and wanted me. However, I followed my plan way off the reservation, so to speak, and so my plan needed to go away. God knows me well enough to know that meant a drastic change. I would have to be pushed completely out of my comfort zone. This mission is His way of reminding me that HE has the perfect plan, not me. And that means I have to be okay with not having a "my plan," but following His plan.
That is "Why?".
