Spoiler alert: Month twelve is hard.
I have been back in the USA for a little bit more than a month now. It has been a whirlwind of things to do, people to see, and emotions to process. Oh yeah, and on top of that, there is the whole “transitioning back to America” process. I would love to say that I handled all of this like a champ because after being on the World Race, what is another month of transition?
I have not handled it like a champ.
On the outside, I think that I had it all mostly together. I did not spend four days in my room, I did not have any major meltdowns in the grocery store, and I even remembered to throw my toilet paper in the toilet (most times). On the inside, I was overwhelmed. All of the transitions and changes that I was facing were coming on like an onslaught. I felt disconnected from the Lord, which left me feeling even more overwhelmed.
Thankfully the Lord is a Provider, who never is far away. Right now, I am living in His provision, in exactly the ways that I need. I am at Project Searchlight, which is a program through Adventures In Missions for recent World Race and Gap year alumni–those of us who just returned back to America in the recent months. This program allows us the opportunity to process our transition back to America while providing us with what we need for the upcoming seasons of our lives.
There are still a couple days left of the program, but God has done SO much already. I asked Him for a word to describe what’s happened in my life, and probably in the lives of many others here.
He responded with, “Rekindled.”
I first came to the Adventures In Missions headquarters a little bit over a year ago for training camp. My heart faced every emotion possible over the course of those ten days. Above all other emotions, I was EXCITED–excited to step into the dreams that God has given me and was making into reality and excited to grow spiritually. I carried that excitement through my World Race, but when I returned home, I realized that I had lost it. Yes, I still was excited for things, but the overwhelming, “my dreams are coming true,” bouncing off of the walls excitement must have gotten lost somewhere between Chile and New Jersey.
Again, the Lord is a Provider AND he is a really great, really good dad.
Project Searchlight has lived up to its expectations and more. We have worshipped and prayed. We have literally seen people become healed from various ailments. We have heard the voice of the Lord, intimate with all of us in unique ways. My favorite part so far has been the restoration of dreams for the Kingdom in my own heart, and along with that, my overwhelming excitement.
You know the kind of dreams that I’m talking about. The dreams that make your heart seem to beat a hundred miles a minute when you hear about them for the first time, the dreams that cause your imagination to go into overdrive because, “WHAT IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS?!” The dreams that bring you to the throne of God, amazed that He would actually allow this dream to be given to you, the dreams that rekindle your passion and your joy.
When God restores these dreams and hopes and rekindles the passion and joy that is in your heart to be burning brighter than it was on the Race, #month12probs seem to vanish into thin air. This is what the Lord has done in my heart at Searchlight.
Be warned though–in order for restoration to happen, Jesus has to do some renovation in your heart. Restoration involves old crap being yanked out of your heart, your mindset, and your actions. Does that sound painful? It is painful. I have cried more at Searchlight than I have in a long time, but I know that the short term emotional discomfort is worth it. It is the joy of the Lord that is our strength, not our own strength or the walls we put up in our hearts to “protect”‘ourselves.
Thank You, Jesus, for restoring my heart. The rest of the world, those who You are preparing to be brought into Your Kingdom through my obedience, thank You as well.
And now, let the future begin. Months 13 and beyond are awaiting!
