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When the Lord takes you deeper into the process of becoming
more like Him and also becoming more of who you were made to be, it can hurt
and be uncomfortable. Change and transition are tough, but they are necessary
if we are to truly develop the depths of who we are.
While in Africa, I have
been reading The Chronicles of Narnia. Currently, I am reading The
Voyage of the Dawn Treader. A passage that stood out to me dealt with the
transformation of one of the characters from a dragon back to a human and read
like this: “The very first tear [Aslan] made was so deep that I thought it had
gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse
than anything I’ve ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was
just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off…Then he caught hold of me – I
didn’t like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I’d no skin on
– and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment.
After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and
splashing I found that all the pain had gone…” (p. 90-91).
In Africa, I am learning
more about letting go of my rights. I’m letting go of independent living
because I need my team to get through each day here. I’m letting go of time and
schedules because time is relative in Kenya and the schedule is
constantly changing. I’m letting go of being able to explain and understand
immediately because things are often “lost in translation” between myself and
the contacts…even when we’re both speaking English. I’m letting go of my right
to silence and privacy at a deeper than in China as I live in the orphanage
where we do some ministry and of course the kids always want to play. I’m
letting go of my sense of entitlement as an American when I experienced the
slums in Kitale; having people grabbing at my arms and getting in my face,
yelling and clamoring for attention. Normally, I would have brushed them off
and ignored them. While I didn’t do that, I did feel a hardness come over me
alongside an unwillingness to love.
Every day I get to look more closely at the depths of my
heart and realize the ugliness that often gets harbored in the hard-to-reach
places. Jesus knows though and He loves me too much to let me settle for mediocrity
or to quit before the end. I am thankful that every day presents the
opportunity to…change.
